Dad Gold

Gone are the days where accessing our parents’ bedroom was prohibited let alone sleeping in their bed! These days, the number of toddlers sleeping with their parents has skyrocketed. We are breeding toddlers who are afraid of sleeping alone! The trend is unlikely to buck in the near future. It is too easy to say yes, right?

As much as it might be annoying to you, the feeling of saying no to your little angel or prince is even worse, which is why most parents give in and within a short time, a month, 3 months, a year has passed with your bed having three occupants every night and no visible hope for change.

We cannot overlook that there might be a serious reason why toddler wants to sleep in parents bed, but either way, it needs to stop as soon as possible. Check out this handy guide below to learn more about why your Jack or Jess, shares the warmth of your tiny or huge bed and how to correct this.

Reasons why your toddler want to sleep in your bed

There are a number of reasons why toddler wants to sleep in parents bed and they include;

It’s a routine

A good number of parents feel it is safe and appropriate to doze the night off with their newborn next to them which is understandable for bonding and watching them.

The problem comes in when trying to define at what age should the toddler move to their baby cot or their room and give you and your significant other space to be.

This age is a grey line, which is why it remains a routine even past the moving face and the toddler grows knowing that this is the right thing to do and the only way to go.

They are scared

The dark is always frightening for toddlers and there is no safer place to be than in the arms of mommy or daddy.

The calm and quiet invites mysterious noises and scary thoughts which is why he or she will seek protection at your side.

A nightmare or night terror fresh in mind could also be the reason why your toddler seeks protection from you every night.

Nursing

Depending on the sleeping patterns of your toddler, nursing might be the only thing that lures him or her to sleep. Research done shows that the biggest percentage of toddlers find sleep when breastfeeding.

When this becomes a routine, it is automatically registered in the toddler’s brain that they will find uninterrupted sleep with you beside them and since the majority of breastfeeding mothers do it on their beds, they end up spending the night with the toddler.

Lack of sleep

If you have made it part of your toddler’s life cycle to take a nap every day especially in the afternoon, there is a high probability that as they grow, they will start lacking sleep at their expected bedtime.

Children are not wired to stay put, thus, leaving them on their bed without any sleep or having slept is a waste of time. Expect to see them walk into your room and hop onto your bed for a bedtime story.

We all know what transpires next.

Compensating for time lost

Parenting is a lifetime career and you need to allocate ample time to spend with your children.

Toddlers are needy people in nature, which is why they will always look for ways to compensate for the time you were away at work or on a business trip. Is there a better way of doing so compared to listening to a bedtime story or chit chat your way to sleep?

I don’t think so.

How you can stop your toddler sleeping in your bed

Make their room sleep-friendly

As you seek to take stern action and insisting your child sleeps in their room, you need to make sure that their room provides a safe and soothing environment for sleep. A room free of any objects such as toys and unnecessary noise that could brew into a nightmare.

Each child has their unique idea of a soothing environment and you need to establish this first. Take time to study your child. What toys or dolls do they feel secure around?

What extra accessory in the room such as a radio with some soothing music or a rocking bed sooth them to sleep easily?

These are some of the questions that you need to ask yourself as you seek to make their room a haven for uninterrupted sleep.

Use a light projector to settle your toddler

This is part of making your toddler’s room friendly. Kids are quite curious and very much fascinated by new stuff especially that which is bright and attractive.

There are different types of light projectors and you need to establish your toddler’s taste before you shop for one.

A good light projector should keep your child occupied during those moments when they lack sleep or suddenly wake up at night and get tempted to match into your bedroom and join you in bed.

Take it slow

Rushing things with children more often than usual turns out to be disastrous. If your kid has been sleeping at your side for some time now, or perhaps all their life, he or she will need time to adapt to the changes you are introducing in their lives.

Come up with a plan that is will take your toddler a step at a time towards the ultimate goal of sleeping in their rooms at night.

For example, you can begin by sleeping in their room with them and as the days go by, sneak out at night for a while and then come back until they are completely comfortable to sleep through the night alone.

Be consistent

Once you begin the process of transitioning your toddler to stop sleeping in your bed, do not take a step back. Not even once. It takes a strictly followed routine to make a habit and this is what you need to work on with your kid.

You will have to send a clear and consistent message to your kid that the time to sleep in your bed is gone.

Establish an effective bedtime routine

A healthy routine will be of much help getting your toddler ready for bed. As you begin, you can take part in the routine as a motivation to the kid and over time, let go for them to do it on their own.

Helpful bedtime routines include reading books and taking a bath before going to bed.

FAQS

Conclusion

As a parent, you might feel the urge to spend the night next to your kid, even for a lifetime, due to the bond that ties you together, but, it is important to let them go at the right time for him or her to grow to be independent and confident to get things done without much or any help at all.

Good luck!

All you need is one full night of sleep, right?

Your toddler’s inability to sleep on their own is now becoming a drag. Lack of sleep, and dare I say a reduced chance of ‘mommy and daddy time’ is beginning to take its toll on your life.

If this is you, then you must be desperate to know how to get your toddler to sleep alone! I’ve been there, and in this post, I will give you some tips for overcoming this issue.

Reasons Why Your Toddler Does Not Want To Sleep Alone

Toddlers should be able to fall asleep on their own and alone. The reason why most toddlers develop a chronic pattern of dependency is due to how their parents respond during those anxious nights that happen here and there.

Naturally, our children should develop the capacity to master their fears and soothe themselves.

Despite this, some toddlers are just afraid to sleep alone, even after reassuring words and checking under the beds. So, why is this happening?

Transitioning to Toddler Bed

Toddlers may go through a stage where they realize their separation from mommy or daddy and the fact that they need to sleep on their own. This usually happens when a toddler is transitioning to a bigger bed.

As they learn to push boundaries, they will go through phases of not wanting to be alone.

As a result, they may want to climb out of their beds and seek proximity or closeness to their parents at night.

Negative Sleep Associations

Between the age of 2 and 5 years, imagination begins to develop in a toddler’s mind in earnest.

At this stage, magical thinking and things such as fears and nightmares or night terrors start to emerge and may be challenging for parents who are looking for ways on how to toddler to sleep alone.

Since the toddler is not able to separate imagination from reality, they may become very unsettled hence resist sleeping alone.

Anxieties

Toddlers feel safe when close to those they love and tend to cling around all the time. Clinging happens especially in times of stress of uncertainties that result in bedtime fears.

When fear develops, it’s natural to find them needing comfort from those they are attached to, like parents or babysitters. It mostly develops in toddlers who get separated from their parents during the day.

Unhealthy Habits

Some parents are not aware that the bedtime habits they allow or encourage can lead to sleep problems on their children.

It becomes challenging to make changes later once these habits have developed. Though not impossible, it’s worth making an effort.

It will be easier for a toddler and parents if ground sleeping rules and routines are set earlier to avoid problems later.

Bedtime Resistance

Mostly, toddlers above two years may refuse to go to bed and sleep while watching TV with their parents.

A mild resistance of bedtime refusal is when a toddler delays his bedtime with open-ended questions, unreasonable requests, crying, protests, and temper.

These are unjustified attempts to test their parent’s good nature and limits, and not necessarily bedtime fears.

How Can You Encourage Your Toddler to Sleep Alone

Getting a toddler to sleep alone is enough of a circus, and you need to figure out how you are going to tackle bedtime.

If your toddler is struggling to sleep alone, some decisions may help to cope with the situation, which comes with some challenges.

First things first, you need to be firm and tell your toddler why they need to stay in their bed and sleep.

Once a parent has set that expectation, it’s time to apply some bedtime routines on how to get a toddler to sleep alone. Some tips may help.

Communicate Effectively

When a toddler is feeling insecure, he will tend to cry as you are leaving the room. You can verbally reassure him that you are going to attend to something, and he must stay in bed. If he gets out of bed, take him back to his bed and physically put him on it.

Do this without arguing or talking. He will get to the point that it’s time to sleep, and you mean business. Most likely, a toddler may want to test you, so keep taking him back and back again until he stays.

Remain Persistent But Be Calm

If the toddler follows you immediately, try sitting on a chair in the room. Reassure him of your presence by sitting close to his bed. Tell him you are going to sit right there, only once, and do not do any more talking.

Don’t get into his bed or allow him to be out of bed or sit in your lap. When he is asleep, leave the room.

How to Deal With Crying

The toddler stage is full of emotions, and some days can be full of all the extremes of emotional response a toddler can have.

Many of their roller coaster ride experiences are groundless and unjustified. As you try to break the unhealthy sleep associations, your child may cry, be present, and responsive.

Your presence as he sleeps shows you are responding but teach him how to cope with difficult emotional situations. Show him even if he cries, the fact will not change.

Have a Daytime Talk

As you are helping your toddler to cope with the difficult task of sleeping alone and becoming more independent, create some time during the day and talk about it with him. Show him some love and express how proud you are of him that he can now sleep on his own.

Take time to listen to him and remark on his progress.

Teach Your Toddler to Self-Soothe

Self-soothing is an art that a toddler can learn through some self-made strategies to soothe themselves to sleep. It involves useful, yet straightforward self-managed tools like sucking a dummy or a toy, swaddling, or self-exploration.

You can also use soothing strategies like a light projector to settle your toddler.

FAQs

Conclusion

Parents may get a night of good sleep when their toddler is in another room, but toddlers may only feel safe in the presence of a parent. But, the good thing is that falling asleep is a habit, and children can learn it.

While some may have some difficulties falling asleep than others, all children eventually start to learn how to fall asleep without the presence of their parents.

It may take some time to learn the habit, but children will finally learn to put themselves into sleep on their own eventually.

How can such a tiny person create so much noise?? Sure, we all know kids can be noisy, but screaming! Why?

When my toddler son was going through a screaming phase, at first, it scared the hell out of me! I leaped off of my seat like a cat and burst through his bedroom like the special forces. He was fine.

My heart was beating through my chest!

After a while, it became a normal behavior, and that worried me more. What if he screamed and I didn’t react when he really needed me?

In this post, I am going to take a look at the best ways you can get a toddler to stop screaming.

How To Get A Toddler To Stop Screaming

Ask Your Toddler Why They Scream

It might seem a bit too obvious. In fact, it is damn obvious. Sometimes the obvious works.

It is simple, if you want to find out why your toddler is screaming, then why don’t you ask them?

Sure, it might not get you anywhere. You might get nothing back, or you might get a small pause, followed by a louder scream… but you have to ask.

Oh, and when you ask, make sure you do it nicely. Don’t shout back, don’t act angry. Keep calm, and ask them.

Follow these tips if your kid makes you angry.

Work On Communication

Your toddler is not the best communicator. My son could bearly string a sentence together when he went through the screaming phase. I am certain that his lack of communicative abilities lead him to scream when he didn’t know the right words to use!

Sit down with your toddler and speak to them. Let them listen to the words you use. Your toddler will learn to communicate better simply by listening to the way you talk.

Even better, bring in a slightly older child for your toddler to communicate with. Research has shown that children learn to communicate better when talking with another child.

Give Some Attention

It is possible that your toddler is craving your attention.

Ask yourself if you are giving them enough attention. When I say ask yourself, I mean drop the pretense and decide whether or not you are actually giving them enough attention.

It is difficult to question your parenting abilities, I understand that. But needs must, and if you want your toddler to stop scream, you need to get back to basics.

Occupy Your Toddler

If you want your toddler to stop scream immediately, then you had better get some awesome distraction techniques under your belt.

You need to put aside a few distraction ideas for a time when your toddler is causing some embarrassment by screaming in a public place.

Consider carrying one of their small toys in your pocket or bag. Bring it out when the screaming begins. It worked for my son every time!

Reward Good Behavior

I truly believe that rewarding good behavior is one of the most powerful things that you can do as a parent.

Be careful though, there is a fine line between rewarding good behavior and bribery.

Bribery is bad, rewarding good behavior is good.

The key difference is that you do not offer a reward before specific good behavior is shown. Sure, you can offer reward if behavior is good over a period of time. Use a rewards chart for this. Bribery is offering a reward for good behavior immediately, or over a short period of time.

Why Does Your Toddler Scream?

Your Toddler Finds It Funny

Let’s face it, what is funnier than watching your parents jump out of their skin?

Kids love to see your reaction and find it extremely funny when you jump. The result is that your toddler wants to do it again, and again, and again. Until they get bored of it…

…kids never get bored of scaring you, by the way.

Your Toddler Is Scared

It could be that your toddler is genuinely scared, and this is the worst think about your toddler screaming.

If your toddler is scared then you need to find the reason why.

It Is Just A Phase

Damn, in your time as a parent to a toddler, how many times have you heard the phrase:

It is just a phase

Says everybody when a child is acting up!

Is it true though it is likely to be a phase that your toddler is going through, and riding it out might just be the only way you are going to get through it.

I know, it is easier said than done.

Frustration

This is very similar to your toddler not being able to communicate properly.

It is not just communication though, it is everything.

Your toddler will be looking at everyone, wanting to do everything they are doing. Does your toddler have older siblings? It is possible that they are looking at their older siblings and the frustration is creeping in because they can’t run as fast, speak as well, jump as high.

Reassure your toddler that they are doing well. Help them achieve what they want to achieve.

Conclusion

There are many reasons why, but this post will help you understand how to get a toddler to stop screaming.

The most important thing is that you communicate with your toddler, and teach them how to communicate effectively. You are their role model, and they will learn from you.

Be less angry, be less frustrated, and your toddler behavior will surely follow.

Good luck!

It was a huge challenge for me, and for my toddler son! I was woken up most nights, sleep was slipping away from me. In this post, I am going to take a look at some toddler self-soothing behaviors to make sure you get enough good quality sleep!

In fact, it was not just me going through it. I have a friend who was going through the same thing. So I asked them for some advice, and here it is:

Toddler Self-Soothing – Layla’s Story

Throughout Lala’s infanthood, she had problems sleeping. I spent months poring through research journals and interviewing pediatricians. Very little changed; my toddler hadn’t learned to self-soothe.

Neither of us was getting the recommended seven to eight hours of sleep at night.

Before long, my blood pressure started going up and Lala began complaining of recurring headaches. I became desperate for a permanent solution to our sleep challenges. I saw a therapist who suggested that Lala learns to self-soothe.

Child therapists suggest that self-soothing is an important phase in every toddler’s development. To cope with discomfort and other stressful situations, toddlers adopt habits that make them feel secure and calm.

Self-soothing was—and still is—a life-long skill my toddler had to learn so that she could rock herself to sleep in my absence.

Here, I’ll share the self-soothing hacks that worked for Lala and me.

Common Toddler Self Soothing Behaviors

As children mature, they adopt different strategies and techniques that help them stay calm enough to sleep on their own. These repetitive activities often seem funny and weird to uninformed adults.

However, child therapists have revealed that these behaviors are basic signs of neural development. Toddlers adopt self-soothing behaviors to help them regulate their emotions and moods.

When Lala eventually learned to self-soothe, she had fewer episodes of tantrums, had better moods. She also showed more signs of self-control. With her newly acquired self-soothing skills, she coped better in stressful situations. What’s more, she began sleeping for longer hours and my blood pressure dropped to a healthier range.

Listed below are all the socially-acceptable self-soothing behaviors I taught Lala.

Stroking Blanket Between the Toddler’s Little Fingers

This is top of the list for toddler self-soothing behaviors!

Toddlers especially like this self-soothing strategy. The warmth of the blanket gives them a calm womb-like comfort. Lala absolutely loved her pink blanket. Now Lala is almost four. And whenever she wakes up in the middle of the night, she clutches her favorite cotton blanket to her chest and fiddles with it until she drifts back to sleep.

According to child therapists, toddlers love comfortable things and they associate current events with pleasant memories. Lala loves fiddling with her blanket because it reminds her of the warmth of my womb.

The blanket also reminds her of the skin-to-skin contact she experienced in her breastfeeding days. This soothing activity is definitely worth considering.

Humming that induces gentle vibrations in the chest.

Humming is another comforting sensation that toddlers love. With each hum, the toddler’s chest vibrates a little. A sense of calm suddenly washes over the child. It’s quite easy to teach a toddler to hum. All you have to do is show by example.

Children learn very fast.

Teaching Lala this self-soothing behavior was quite easy. At bedtime, I laid her on her bed and hummed rhythmically. Soon she followed suit and began humming herself to sleep. It was almost magical.

Because humming involved many repetitions and chest vibrations, her brain calmed down enough to induce sleepiness.

Shaking Head From Side to Side

Bodily movements help to soothe toddlers. While some children rock themselves while standing, others do this from a lying position. According to experts, forming neural pathways cause repetitive rocking and other self-soothing behaviors.

This self-soothing strategy worked quite well. I shook my head from side to side and encouraged her to follow suit. But I must admit that we often wound up rocking the entire body. But even that isn’t a completely bad idea.

Shaking the head repeatedly helps the toddler self-soothe from a sensory level. It’s definitely worth a try. 

Belly button twiddle

My best friend has a two-year-old son. His name is Jake. And when little Jake started daycare, he forgot almost all the self-soothing behaviors he’d learned. He began twiddling his navel whenever he felt sleepy. No one knows where he learned this.

The first time the daycare teacher noticed Jake fiddling with his navel during naptime, she almost screamed in horror. She clamped her mouth shut, I think because she didn’t want to wake the other sleeping children.

Apparently, none of the other toddlers in the class showed signs of weird self-soothing activities.

Fiddling with the belly button probably reminds toddlers of all those months when they curled up in Mom’s womb. This behavior reflects expert’s theories of toddlers adopting behaviors that bring them pleasant memories. Lala didn’t need to try this. I only included it in my list because I realize that it might work for another toddler.

How To Help My Toddler Self-Soothe

If your toddler is having problems learning to sleep on their own, do not despair. You’re not alone. All over the world, toddlers struggle to sleep without the help of an adult.

To make your job easier, I have outlined and explained five effective ways to teach your child to self soothe.

Set up a fixed bedtime

Toddlers are creatures of habit. They learn faster when they are made to work with a fixed schedule or timetable. In matters of sleep, toddlers benefit more when there is an established consistent bedtime schedule.

Lala got used to the bedtime rituals very quickly. It started with a warm bath, a bedtime story, and lights out. Sticking to this pattern helped her fall asleep in her warm and cozy bed. Occasionally, she hummed and hugged her favorite pink blanket. Sometimes, she rocked her stuffed animal to sleep as well.

Help your child cope with the dark bedroom

If your toddler is afraid of the dark, you can leave on the lights in the corridor, especially if its silhouette filters through the cracks in the bedroom doorway. A toddler or baby night light projector is an awesome idea to help your child stay in bed!

Because Lala had formed the habit of imagining monsters in the dark, I provided a warm, natural-looking light in the adjourning rooms. Later on, I installed a nightlight bulb in her bedroom. This went a long way to help her overcome her sleep challenges.

Handle mid-night episodes wisely

When your toddler wakes in the middle of the night, pay attention. Listen through the door and wait for five to ten minutes. Your child needs adequate time and space to practice the self-soothing strategies they’ve learned. If they keep crying, calmly walk into the room and soothe them.

Ask them what the problem is. Reassure your toddler of your love, care, and protection. Be wary of night-terrors in toddlers!

When Lala woke up in the middle of the night, I kissed her and encouraged her to hum and rock her stuffed animal or her blanket. The self-soothing techniques calmed the brain. She always fell asleep after a few minutes.

Be consistent

Don’t give up after a few nights. If you maintain a regular bedtime routine and a smart mid-night intervention strategy, your toddler will adjust. With time, your toddler will develop the skills required to sleep independently. What’s more? They will also cry less.

It took Lala about one week to learn to self soothe. However, children learn at different paces. Your toddler might take less than a week to learn, but they might also take more than two weeks too. Studies by educational psychologists suggest that there are individual differences and that children learn at different rates. Be patient with your toddler.

Recommended Purchases For Self-Soothing

Teaching your little one some toddler self-soothing behaviors is a challenge! Often, you will need to purchase helpful tools for your child. Below is a list of purchases that worked for me and some that worked for other parents I interviewed.

• Stuffed animals
• Soft warm baby blankets
• Self-held feeding bottles
• A warm nightlight that has a natural glow
• A stereo and nature music mixed tape. The tape features birdsong, the hiss of rushing waters and the swishing of forest trees and desert sand dunes
• A white noise machine for toddlers and babies

What age should you start self-soothing?

Very few babies are born with flawless sleep patterns and habits. Yes, some babies sleep for 6 – 8 hours throughout the night, but these are the exceptions.  In most cases, newborns wake up regularly for nightly feeds until they reach their third months.

At six months, 65% of babies sleep throughout the night. Once your baby reaches this stage, you can start teaching them to self soothe.

Research has shown that early self-soothing lessons benefit children in the end. According to this 2002 study, babies who had learned to self soothe by the age of one were unlikely to develop sleep challenges in toddlerhood and middle childhood.

Toddler’s sleep patterns and associations are a lot more difficult to adjust when compared to a baby’s sleep habits. That makes it more of a challenge to build in some toddler self-soothing behaviors!

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I teach my toddler to self soothe?

The first step is to make your toddler’s bedroom warm comfortable and cozy. Declutter the room. Place objects and toys that bring pleasant memories. Consider investing in self-soothing tools. Blankets, stuffed animals, self-held bottles and birdsong are fantastic tools.

Establish a bedtime ritual and timetable. Choose rituals that are effective on multiple levels. Warm baths and (oil or water) massages soothe and comfort toddlers. After baths and massages, proceed to the bedroom, turn down the lights to a warm, soft glow.

Yellow candle-like flames are natural and soothing. Avoid the harsh glare of white LED or fluorescent lights. Read a bedtime story, pray (if you want) and then encourage the child to hug a warm blanket or a stuffed animal. These activities create feelings of comfort and security.

When your toddler wakes up at night, get up and press your ears to the doorway. Listen for five minutes. If the child hasn’t gone back to sleep, open the door and pacify the child. Ask what the problem is. Listen to what your child has to say. Afterward, hug them and encourage them to hum and to rock their favorite stuffed animal, blanket or self-held bottle,

Don’t linger in the room for too long. Leave after five minutes. You can wait outside and monitor the child’s progress from there. Often, the child will drift off to sleep without your help. If, however, your toddler continues to cry, wait for seven minutes before you intervene. Be willing to give your toddler adequate room to practice the self-soothing techniques they’ve learned.

How long should a toddler cry it out?

Every child is different. And in matters of self-soothing, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all guideline. Some experts say it’s okay to allow your toddler to fuss and cry for about five to eleven minutes before you intervene. Other experts recommend a longer duration.

Whatever you do, be sure to apply the law of moderation. Don’t let your toddler cry for too long especially if he or she is ill.

Monitor your toddler. Ensure that they aren’t harming themselves while they are crying.

Can newborns self soothe?

Experts believe that newborns are capable of self-soothing when they cross the three-months milestone (or when they turn twelve weeks).

However, it is important to note that newborns have very small stomachs and are unable to take in sufficient amounts of food at once. Often they have to wake up every one to three hours to feed. Obviously, babies who cluster feed are not capable of soothing themselves to sleep when they are hungry.

Before you start swapping self-soothing stories with other mothers, bear in mind that parenting tactics differ. Bottle-fed babies eat less than breast-fed babies. And breast milk is more easily digestible when compared to baby formula.

In other words, breast-fed babies are more likely to wake up more often for nightly feeds.

By the sixth month of life, two-thirds of babies are capable of ingesting more food at a time and of sleeping for longer hours. When they attain the six-month mark, you can teach your baby to self soothe.

Conclusion

Many toddlers struggle to sleep on their own. Often, toddlers insist on being held, rocked or patted to sleep even when they wake up in the middle of the night.

Not only does this deprive the entire family of quality sleep, but it also robs the child of the opportunity to learn an important life skill.

Toddlers who learn to self soothe are more likely to:

• Regulate their moods
• Cope in stressful situations
• Concentrate in a formal school setting.

You can help your child self-soothe if you create a comfortable and cozy space for your child to sleep in. Fill your child’s room with soft blankets, stuffed animals and other tools that are reminiscent of pleasant experiences. Establish a bedtime ritual and stick to it.

Tuck your child into bed and encourage them to rock their stuffed animals and or blankets. Hum to them and encourage them to hum as well.

Do not despair. Like Lala and I, you and your toddler will overcome your sleep troubles.

the key point is – you should teach your little one some vital toddler self-soothing behaviors!

You have been yelling at your toddler for the last few months, and now they have stopped listening to you, right?

Frustration sets in, and are now at a loss because your toddler simply isn’t listening to you.

In this post, I am going to give you tips on how to get your toddler to listen without yelling. So you can take charge again! If only until the next phase…

Yelling at your toddler may lead to more aggressive behavior in the future, so now is the time to quit it! It is up to you as a parent to remain calm, and cool!

7 Tips for How You Can Get Your Toddler To Listen Without Yelling At Them

Stop Yelling

It is pretty simple, if you yell at your toddler, it will accomplish 2 things.

1. Your toddler will consider it normal behavior and will no longer respond.
2. Your toddler will copy your behavior. Now there are 2 people yelling and 0 people listening.

Take a look at the way you communicate. Are you somebody who yells a lot in general? Or is it just at your toddler?

If you are a ‘yeller’ then it is time to change your behavior if you want your toddler to fall into line!

Discuss Good and Bad Behavior

When a person gets to the toddler age it is much easier to communicate with them. They can understand, and they can communicate better with you, allowing you to understand what they are thinking.

It is time to have a frank discussion with your toddler about what you consider to be good and bad behavior. Use as many examples as you can, people work better with real-life examples.

Write down 4 or 5 good and bad things they have done over the last week and discuss each one. Ask your toddler if they consider it bad behavior.

Reward Them For Good Behavior

During the discussion about good and bad behavior, introduce the idea of a rewards chart for your Toddler.

For a start, they love to be rewarded! Especially when you heap praise on each thing they did well.

Rewarding good behavior, in my opinion, is much more important than punishing bad behavior. When you punish bad behavior you are giving your toddler attention. If they want attention, they will act up until you give it to them, bad or good.

Listen To Them

Before you yell, ask them in a calm voice what they were doing.

Listen to their response. Give them time to respond, they don’t know as many words as you do and will take some time picking the right ones.

Once you have done that – ask them if they think it was good or bad behavior. Listen to their answer.

Now is the time to remind them of the reward chart.

Communication without yelling is a challenge, but if you listen to your child, they will learn to listen to you.

Compose A Punishment Plan

What will you do to punish your toddler if they misbehave?

Do you put them in a ‘time-out’ area? What about taking toys away from them (my personal favorite)?

All you need to do is ensure that you have a plan. When your toddler exhibits some bad behavior, you will know what to do if you have a plan.

Follow Through With Punishments

Now that you have a punishment plan, your next job is to follow up on the threats in the event of any bad behavior.

Here is my example:

My son was naughty – I cannot remember exactly what he did, but it did prompt some action from me.

I threatened to take away a toy and give it to the garbage men. His bad behavior continued.

The toy was taken away.

Cue a gigantic toddler meltdown! It lasted for about 3 minutes. What did I achieve from that? A Toddler who knew that I followed through with threats and did not back down.

Since then, he has bucked his ideas up!

Work As A Team

Work with any of your toddler carers. Mom, Dad, Grandparents, Daycare Staff. Anyone who cares for your child, speak to them about the way they interact with your toddler.

If you are no longer yelling at your child, but other carers continue, then they will still learn that yelling is a way to get things in life!

Reasons Why A Toddler Has Become Immune To Yelling

It Is Considered Normal

Your toddler will stop listening when you yell all of the time because it is considered normal behavior by them.

I only yell when it is necessary – i.e. my son is just about to run near a road! It is effective… because when I yell, he stops!

They Are Pushing Your Buttons

Toddlers are learning how to communicate still, let’s not forget that.

Part of this important learning phase includes pushing your boundaries to see what they can get away with. If they learn to push your buttons, and you react by yelling, they might simply do it for fun!

Your Toddler Wants Attention

Toddlers require a ton of attention, some even want your attention CONSTANTLY!

If your toddler learns that the only way they can get your attention is by acting up, they will do it. This will cause immunity to your yelling!

Discipline Without Yelling – Recommended Reads

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

The authors of this book (Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish) are internationally acclaimed experts on communicating with children.

I must admit, if kids were to come with a handbook, this should be that handbook they come with! It is rammed full of excellent tips for how you can raise a respectful, communicative child.

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

Peaceful Parent…. happy kids… it sounds like utopia, right?

Whilst life does have a tendency to throw a spanner in the works, this is a particularly useful book that questions your Parenting method and helps you to correct your behavior first.

Once you correct your behavior, it is much easier to correct your toddler’s behavior!

1-2-3 Magic: 3-Step Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting

The author of this book (Thomas W. Phelan) is a clinical psychologist, who has put this book together to help parents deal with toddler behavior.

Dr. Phelan uses his famous 1-2-3 step routine to help you improve your child’s behavior.

The key message I got from this book is to ensure that you establish positive routines throughout the ‘toddler phase’ to build the foundations of good behavior.

Frequently Asked Questions

Conclusion

If shouting at your toddler is your normal reaction to bad behavior then you are simply teaching them to yell back at you. If you follow the tips on this page, it is much easier to get your toddler to listen WITHOUT yelling at them!

Wailing at your toddler all of the time is a negative parenting strategy, and the key message here is to correct your own behavior.

Once your behavior is corrected, then your toddler will naturally follow.

You will be shocked to see your toddler’s reaction when you begin parenting in a positive way!

Good luck, and stop squawking like a Crow!

Are you losing a battle of wills with a pint-sized, emotionally unstable dictator?

I’ve been there, and it can make you feel pretty useless, right? They know how to push your buttons, they know how to make you angry!

The good news is that you can put some work in now to resolve it! In this post, I am going to give you 9 tips for how you can deal with a toddler who is bossy, and assertive.

Dealing With a Bossy, Assertive Toddler

Work Together – Mom and Dad

The most important thing is that you attack the problem like a team.

Before you even approach your toddler with some corrective behavior techniques, you need to get together as a team (Mom or Dad, or whoever is caring for the toddler).

Establish what is good and what is not good behavior. It is an awesome idea to approach this meeting with some recent examples of both good and bad behavior.

I don’t want to turn this into a business meeting, but there are some benefits to holding a structured meet up.

Once you have established what is not good behavior from your toddler, it is time to agree to some corrective behavior. Include punishment in here too, because if it gets that far, you both need to be on the same page, right?

Change Your Behavior

A change in your behavior will have a huge impact on your toddler’s development.

Let’s take, for example, your behavior when your toddler demands something without asking nicely. Did you provide? Or did you stop and explain how they need to ask in order for you to comply?

How about the way that you interact with your toddler? Are YOU a dictator to them?

Listen to yourself speak as you interact with them. Do you ask correctly? Are you polite?

Toddlers are learning how to interact with others by listening to you. The way your toddler responds to anger is learned behavior.

The bottom line is, if you are bossy then they will also be bossy.

Give Praise For Positive Behavior

I am a huge fan of rewarding positive behavior.

Rewarding good behavior is not simply buying them a new toy (far too expensive), it is praise and extra affection too.

You cannot underestimate the power of a rewards chart! It is simple, and best of all it is free (assuming you already have a piece of paper to write it on!)

Not only is it free, but you can also work with your toddler to put the reward chart together!

It is a perfect opportunity to ask YOUR toddler what he or she believes is good behavior. This task alone will increase your toddler’s knowledge of how to behave in the correct way.

Set Expectations

Giving your toddler your expectations will set boundaries and will set a baseline for behavior.

I mentioned above that it is a great idea to put together a reward chart with your toddler to reward good behavior. I would also use this opportunity to set expectations.

Discuss what bad behavior is, give them real-life examples where they have not behaved well.

Now tell them you expect their behavior to improve.

Setting expectations is not simply how you expect them to behave, you should also set the expectations for what will happen when they are behaving badly too.

My son snaps out of bad behavior as soon as I threaten him with the removal of a toy! I am under no illusion that this will work forever, but it works now and that is the most important thing, right?

Always Follow Through

This is extremely important! I cannot emphasize it enough.

Above I mentioned that I threaten to remove a toy from my son’s collection if he does not improve his behavior. The ONLY reason why that works is that he pushed me to act during the early stages of my action plan.

What did I do? I removed a toy. Did it work? Not immediately.

I followed up with a threat to throw the toy away if he carried on. Did it work? Not immediately.

What did I do next?

I threw the toy away.

For the next few hours, my son was absolutely distraught that he had genuinely lost one of his toys. The fact that I followed through with a punishment means he KNOWS I am serious when I say I will take a toy away.

Incentivize

This ties in with rewarding good behavior but takes it a little bit further.

If you have followed the ‘Give Praise For Good Behavior‘ tip above, then you will have already created a rewards chart – good job!

Now as a next step, you could implement a points-based system. for instance, 2 points for a day where they have been polite, a further 2 for going to bed on time, 2 more for brushing their teeth without a meltdown. -2 points if good behavior is not seen.

You could incentivize good behavior by suggesting a trip to the toy shop on Saturday if a certain amount of points are achieved.

Correct Bossy Behavior Every Time

Very important – do not let your toddler get away with ANY bossy episodes.

Every single time your toddler is bossy, correct their behavior.

Correct the bossy attitude by reminding them about the rewards chart.

Give Your Toddler Some Choices

Toddlers may be going through a bossy stage because it is an important part of their development.

It is during this stage where they want more independence, but you still need to be the ones making the rules.

There is some middle ground though…

Simply give your toddler options. Each option should be something that you are happy with.

This is a classic technique where it looks like you are giving someone an option, but all options are yours and therefore they are going to do what you need anyway.

Why Is My Toddler Being Bossy All Of A Sudden?

If your toddler has suddenly begun being bossy or strong-willed then there may be a reason for it.

Phase

The word ‘phase’ is feared throughout parent land. It basically means ‘just ride it out’.

During toddler years, they will be swapping communication techniques until they find a way that suits them. Your toddler will also be learning from you!

It is part of a toddlers development and nothing to fear.

Just ride it out!

Tired

My son is bossy when he is tired, it is difficult to change that. As long as I do not let him get away with it, he will stop eventually.

If he wakes early in the morning, I know that he is going to be bossy at around 18:00 that day. The last hour can escalate to a battle of wills!

Bullied

Check with your toddler to see if they are being bullied. Being bullied is not a good experience at any age, but at a young age, it can result in some strange behavior. Being bossy is one of them.

Keep a close eye on your toddler and speak with their daycare staff to ensure nothing untoward is happening there.

Toddler Is Copying You

If you are bossy then your toddler will be bossy, period.

Time for you to change, before you both lose it with each other!

Toddler Is Copying Friends

During your toddler’s development, they will be learning life skills from those around them, including other kids.

If your toddler’s friends are bossy, then your toddler will copy them.

Conclusion

In this post, I gave 8 tips for how you can deal with your toddler being bossy, strong-willed, or too assertive. These are tips that I learned the hard way! I think they call it ‘on the job training’.

The important thing is that you understand exactly what is causing your toddler to be bossy, and set up a corrective action plan to address it.

If your toddler is regularly looked after by a family member, daycare, or a babysitter, then it is extremely important that you share your plan to ensure the message is clear from all adults who will be looking after them.

Good luck – you will need it!

For Mom, it is heartbreaking. 

You put your body on the line to carry a child for 9 months, but now it feels like you are being rejected!

It does not have to be that way… In this post, I am going to take a look at why a toddler prefers Dad over Mom, and what you can do to improve it!

Why Does My Toddler Want Nothing To Do With Me?

Are you fun enough?

Toddler love playing, but sometimes life’s chores get in the way, right?

Your toddler doesn’t understand that. I have lost count of the number of times I have explained to my son that:

‘Yes, I have to work, or we can’t afford to pay the bills’ or;

‘I can’t play right now, if I don’t do this laundry then you will have nothing to wear’

Life is easy for a toddler. They do not understand the importance of menial daily chores which have to be done. They only want to play and eat!

Do you shout too much?

A toddler may prefer Dad over Mom because of the way they are treated. It is time to consider whether or not you shout too much.

I totally understand that it is not easy to stop shouting at your toddler, they do their best to poke at you until you bite!

Are you a pushover?

Toddlers also enjoy a challenge. If they see you as a pushover, they may not need to communicate with you too much.

Only times when they want something and they know that Mom will give it to them.

Do you teach them?

Your toddler’s brain is at the development stage where it is optimal for learning. Not only should you be taking advantage to improve their development, but you should also be feeding their hunger to learn.

If your toddler views Dad as a source of all knowledge, they will go to him a lot more, simply to feed their thirst for knowledge.

Do you pay your toddler enough attention?

There are 2 ways a toddler will react to a parent who does not give them the required attention.

1. Become needy and pay you too much attention
2. Withdraw and seek attention elsewhere, usually in the form of another parent. In this case, Dad.

Do you listen to them?

A few days ago, I was sitting in a coffee shop with a Flat White. Sometimes, I just like to sit and people watch.

As I looked around the room I noticed a few families, most of which look pretty stressful!

One parent had their nose deeply implanted in their smartphone, completely ignoring their child, who was clearly desperate for attention.

Another parent (different family) was doing something much worse. Constantly interrupting their toddler as they were attempting to speak.

How would it make you feel if you were constantly interrupted?

If it were me, I would avoid communicating with that person. If I were a toddler and Mom constantly interrupted me, I would certainly prefer Dad over Mom!

Toddler Prefers Dad Over Mom? Try These 8 Tips

Be Fun

This is number one in the list of things you can do if your toddler prefers Dad over Mom!

Toddlers absolutely, 100%, love to play. All of the time! If you are fun, then they will want to play with YOU. I know it is a challenge because a grown-up brain is much less imaginative than a toddler’s brain, but you must give it a try!

Be Educational

Toddlers need to learn. In fact, 90% of a child’s brain is developed before they reach the age of 5. Take advantage.

Your toddler will have a tremendous thirst for knowledge and it is your job to quench the thirst. By becoming a teacher, and a font of knowledge to your toddler, they will respond with respect and admiration.

Pay Attention

Pay attention to your toddler. If you notice them playing, coloring, drawing on their own, then go over and ask what they are up to.

Be interested in what your toddler is doing, and they will feel much better about life!

Do Not Be A Pushover

It is important that you as a parent do not allow your child to get what they want all of the time.

I know, it is much easier just to shut them up by saying yes all of the time, but it is not doing you any favors in the longer term! You know this, right?

Stand firm when your child is constantly demanding things and they will respect you for it.

Only Shout When It Is Needed

The more you shout at a toddler, the less they will listen.

I know it is difficult. Toddlers push and push until they get a reaction from you!

However, when all you do is shout, it becomes normal behavior and shouting loses its power. Not only will you lose the ability to get a preferred reaction from shouting (i.e. they listen), but your toddler will copy what you do, and will shout back.

It is learned behavior.

Listen To Them

It is vital that you empower your toddler to think they have interesting things to say. The only way you can do this is by allowing them to speak.

Do not interrupt what they are saying. Interrupting a toddler will lead to frustration and behavioral issues.

When a toddler is frustrated, it may lead to biting amongst other things!

If your toddler prefers Dad over Mom, then it is worth considering whether or not Mom allows them to speak.

Reason With Them

When Mom is always saying no and Dad is always saying yes, your toddler will prefer Dad over Mom. It is natural.

There is another option though. What if your toddler prefers Dad because he offers reasons why the answer is no?

It is fine to say no because you have to stand firm to create respect from your toddler. However, if you say no and offer a reason why then your toddler will respect you more. Not only that, but it will also teach your toddler to reason, which is a vital life skill.

Be Loving

Please don’t take this the wrong way, I am not assuming that you are not loving!

Sometimes, when a toddler prefers Dad over Mom, it may lead to Mom withdrawing. Because it hurts, right?

Well, suck it up!

Mom, you have to carry on offering love and affection, even when your love is spurned! It is tough, but the more you withdraw, the wider the rift is between Mom and toddler.

Helping Mom Cope With Toddler Rejection

When your toddler prefers Dad over Mom, it is vital that Dad offers support to improve the situation.

It is in Dads best interests that your toddler has equal respect for both parents. Sure, it is a confidence booster for Dad, but it is far from ideal. Dad, you risk burnout if you are the go-to parent. Support Mom, and share the load!

It is important that you both sit down and discuss how you are going to approach this behavioral change. Consider the tips above.

Whichever route you are going to take to improve this situation, always stand together and work as a team.

Dad, if you see your toddler playing well with Mom, then go and do something else in a different room. You will be a distraction while Mom heals the rift with your toddler.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is a Toddler rejecting Mom after new Baby arrives?

A toddler has been used to having Mom all to themselves. Now a new baby has arrived and Mom is busy being a Mom!

This can lead to a toddler feeling like Mom has been taken away, or maybe even rejected. It is going to be difficult, but when you work together with Dad to share the load then it becomes much easier.

Do Toddlers prefer one parent?

Toddlers go through phases in life. One week they will prefer Dad, the next week it will be Mom. This is absolutely nothing to worry about.

It is a concern when a few weeks go by and your toddler has not switched back! Work through the tips on this page to bring them back on track. Parents, you need to support each other throughout this phase. Do not show off, nobody likes a show-off!

Why does my toddler only listen to Dad?

A toddler will only listen to Dad for 3 reasons:

1. Dad is seen as a font of all knowledge.
2. Dad is a ‘yes-man’. This needs to change.
3. Dad has a deep voice. Those with deeper voices are seen to be more powerful and influential.

I suggest that you share the load when teaching your child, and your toddler will respect both parents.

Conclusion

When your toddler prefers Dad over Mom, it can be heartbreaking for Mom, and tiring for Dad. In this post, I have given 8 key tips on how you can improve this particular situation.

It is vital that you support each other during this time. Working together as a team is the only way you are going to get through this.

Talk to each other. Formulate a plan of attack, and don’t give up until you reach the promised land!

Good luck!

You are desperate to get your chores completed, but your toddler will not leave you alone!

I have been there. You end up spending time with your toddler just to shut them up. Chores never get completed, and yet your toddler still demands more of your time!

But, it doesn’t have to be that way! Not at all. In this post, I am going to run through the steps you can take if your toddler demands constant attention.

Hang on, before we start, ask yourself the following question:

Do I pay my toddler enough attention?

If the answer is yes, then we are good to go. If the answer is no then you know what to do!

Why Do Toddlers Need Attention?

Toddlers need constant mental stimulation. Constant stimulation might be in the form of:

• Learning
• Conversing
• Problem Solving
• Imaginative Play

Without stimulation, your toddler will get frustrated, and they will show frustration in many different ways.

It is important as a Parent to give your toddler the mental stimulation they need. If you are not taking care of that, then your toddler may respond by constantly demanding your attention.

Child Attention Seeking Symptoms

Let’s take a look at some examples of attention-seeking behavior in toddlers. Some are positive, some are negative, and some are just point blank charming!

Excessive Crying

This is the biggest child attention-seeking symptom. Crying. Why? Because they know that you will attend to them when they are crying.

Over time, you get to know your toddlers ‘cries’. You know when they are in pain, you know when they are sick, and you know when they are putting it on.

Excessive Questioning

Toddlers want to learn, they are in the best phase of their life for learning! They will question… everything! When it is all of the time, then it can indicate that your toddler is simply seeking attention.

When my toddler doesn’t pay attention to the answer, I know he is doing it to get my attention.

Excessive Hugging

Hugging is great, right? Well yes, but if it happens all of the time, even when you are desperate to get some food ready, or you are trying to get some chores done then it is going to get tiring.

Toddlers can go one step further and want to be picked up constantly!

I am not going to say stop hugging your toddler, that just will not happen, just keep an eye on it and notice any patterns emerging.

Constantly Hurting Themselves

Does your toddler constantly hurt themselves, or are they prone to exaggerating an injury?

Unfortunately, toddlers are not very steady on their feet, which leads to excessive injuries.

However, if you notice that your toddler is injuring themselves on purpose, or exaggerating and injury, it could be a sign that they are pushing for more of your attention.

Fake Illness

Get yourself a thermometer, some plasters, and some bandages, because one of the symptoms of attention seeking is to feign illness!

Unfortunately, it makes it difficult to distinguish between reality and fictional illnesses!

Overdoing Compliments

Don’t get me wrong, it does make you feel good. It is like having your own positivity soldier!

Overdoing compliments is a sign that your toddler is seeking your attention. They may well have learned that paying you compliments will get your attention.

Toddlers learn fast!

Toddler Demands Constant Attention? Try These Tips

Positive Attention Seeking Chart

Toddlers love behavior/reward charts! If you do not have one, then you need to get involved in this, because it 100% works.

The rules are simple. Be good, and you will be rewarded.

If you are using a ‘star’ reward chart, promise your toddler a trip to the local park, or a new toy when they receive a certain amount of stars.

Be clear about what they are being rewarded for. Set expectations at the start and it will not fail. Remove stars for bad behavior!

Independent Play Ideas

Think of activities which encourage independent play.

Sand and water toys, or lock and key toys are perfect for my son. He will sit there for hours (or what seems like hours) playing with these toys on his own.

It gives me a chance to cover off all of those household jobs my wife has left for me!

Listen To Them

Your Toddler may demand constant attention because they feel you do not listen to them.

Whilst it is true, their constant questions do get on my nerves from time to time, but they are just learning about life. They need to be listened to.

If a toddler is never listened to, it may become learned behavior which will be difficult to break in later life. 

Set A Timer When Doing Chores

One little trick that I picked up when my son was demanding my attention was to set a timer when doing chores around your home.

Set expectations, such as; I am going to set a timer for 20 minutes. You let me know when the timer goes off and I will come over and play with you.

A timer also works well for bedtimes too!

Consider Play Dates

If you are drained and you need some help with your attention-seeking toddler, then why not arrange some play dates!

Arrange for a friend to come over with a toddler and unleash them upon each other.

Sure, for most of the playdate you will be refereeing, but at least it frees up some time and gets your toddler learning some vital life skills, such as sharing and conversational skills.

Spend More Time With Them

I know, it sounds counterproductive, but your toddler might just need a little more attention than you are giving them.

Since the invention of smartphones, and our seemingly constant need to check in with friends every 2 seconds, I have noticed something. That is a reduction in QUALITY time spent with Toddlers and children. Just because you are sitting there with your nose glued to your smartphone it doesn’t count as time spent together.

Put your phones down and get involved with what they are doing.

I have done it before, it is easy to be distracted by your smartphone. Whenever I feel that it is distracting me, I’ll leave it in another room.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why does my toddler constantly scream?

Under normal circumstances, screaming will elicit a reaction where you rush over to your child to see what is wrong. Your toddler will learn this!

Another reaction (and one that I am certainly guilty of) is jumping when your child screams. Not only will that get your attention, but they will also find it funny!

Am I paying my toddler enough attention?

If you have noticed signs that you need to pay more attention to your child, then it might be true that you need to.

Consider other tasks you have in life, and try to organize those for when they do not require your attention.

Every Child is totally different in terms of neediness. Only you know your child, and you will know if you need to pay them more attention.

Are there any good ideas for independent play?

Yes, there are some excellent options for independent play, and it is a matter of finding the best ones!

I can guarantee that my Son will play happily on his own with sand and water toys, or lock and key toys. Duplo is another awesome independent play toy. Your toddler may need some help when they first begin building things. Once their imagination takes over, they are away building things on their own.

Why does my Child cry for attention?

Children cry for attention because that is what they are programmed to do. Nobody tells a baby that they need to cry when they are hungry, upset, or scared. They are born with the natural ability to cry.

When a child gets to toddler age, they do not lose that ability. They have learned that crying will get your attention, so that is what they do!

When should I seek help with my ‘attention seeking’ toddler?

The simple answer is; when you feel like you need to seek professional help! Only you will know the situation you are in, and professionals will be able to help guide you through the process.

Conclusion

If your toddler demands constant attention then you can follow the tips on this page to help guide your toddler away from that behavior.

I must admit, I like the idea that my son wants my attention. It means he enjoys spending time with me and wants to do it all of the time. I would miss the feeling if it wasn’t happening.

Whilst a completely independent toddler sounds like a dream, how will it make you feel? Rejected?

There is a fine line between too much attention-seeking and not enough. When you hit the sweet spot, life is very cool!

Good luck!

Every day is a battle, right?

At the end of each day, you feel battle weary and mentally exhausted.

If your toddler exhibits some ‘strong-willed child‘ characteristics, then you can follow the tips on this page to help you discipline your strong-willed 2-year-old!

Strap yourself in, it is going to be a bumpy ride!

Personality Traits Of A Strong-Willed 2-year-old

Let’s begin with the personality traits of a strong-willed 2-year-old. You might be thinking ‘Hitler’ but I am sure it is not that bad… surely!

Ok, so they may behave like an emotionally unstable, pint-sized dictator, but Hitler was worse, I am sure of it…

Some of these are symptoms of the terrible 2’s, so you might be lucky…it might just be a phase!

Argumentative

It goes without saying, right? You know this. They love to argue.

ALL OF THE TIME!

When will it end? Why can’t they just do what I am asking them to do???

• ‘Time to brush your teeth’…argument
• ‘Time for bed’…argument
• ‘We need to go to the shops’…argument
• ‘Time for your bath’…argument (tips for helping you through a toddler bathtime here)

Tantrums

Inside my home, I can deal with tantrums. It’s easy, walk out of the room, don’t engage.

Outside of my home is not so simple, you can’t just leave them in a street and walk away. I get the feeling they know this too, which is why they love doing it.

They have the power! A stubborn toddler is a challenge, right?

Screaming

If there is one thing that rattles my brain more than anything else in this world, it is the sounds of a toddler screaming!

Seriously… why?

It’s the screams that come out of nowhere that are the worst kind. The screams that make your head hit the ceiling when you leap up like those cat v cucumber videos on YouTube.

Hate it.

Shouting

Shouting is another sign of a strong-willed 2-year-old. The worst thing about shouting is that it is difficult to get your point across.

Even when you have a valid reason why you are asking them to do something, they aren’t listening… they are too busy shouting to care what you think.

Impatience 

They want something, and they want it now.

Sounds familiar? It should do… because your toddler is pushing boundaries to see what they can get away with.

How To Discipline a Strong-Willed 2 Year Old

Time Out

Give your 2-year-old time out works.

Not straight away, but it doesn’t work over time.

To set your expectations correctly, you need to be aware that the first few times you try this it will be like herding cats. Here is the process:

• Put them in their time out place (naughty step, whatever)
• You Walk away
• They walk away
• You put them back
• They run away
• You put them back
• They shout, scream, argue, then run away
• You put them back
• Repeat, randomly

The important thing is that you keep at it. Do not give up, or they will lose respect for you.

Toy Removal

This works, although more recently it hit the buffers. Let me explain how it worked in the past:

My son would argue, at anything and everything. I threatened to take a toy away and give it to the garbage men. The argument continued.

Now, because I threatened to remove one of his toys, I could not back down. So, I removed one of his toys.

Meltdown. Dad was being a boss, and he didn’t like it one bit.

After he calmed down, I got an apology, a hug, and a promise to be better in the future. Times were good.

More recently, I followed the same process. After he calmed down, he accepted that he had too many toys and didn’t need that one. Power removed. Onwards and upwards.

Less Screen Time

Some people do not give their toddlers screen time. They think it ruins a child’s development. I disagree, to an extent!

Whilst it is true that too much screen time has a negative impact on development, if you control the length of screentime, it can be very beneficial. Especially as you can use apps to help teach your 2-year-old spelling, math, and color recognition.

There is no doubt that kids love watching other kids play on YouTube. The fact that they love doing this means you can use it as a tool to discipline them if needed.

Stand By Decisions

Backing down from threats of discipline is absolutely the wrong message to give to your strong-willed 2-year-old.

Not only does it negatively undermine your self-respect, but it also undermines the respect that your toddler has in you.

When you say it is time for your 2-year-old to brush their teeth, do not stop until the job is done. If you threaten to remove a toy for bad behavior, do it.

Rewards Chart

Reward charts are not necessarily a punishment, they are more a part of the punishment process.

For instance, your 2-year-old gets a star whenever they exhibit good behavior. They get a star removed when they are naughty.

At the end of a week, they get a treat if they have a certain amount of stars. If they have less, they do not get a treat.

Again, it is vital that you do not back down from these rules. If they are 1 star away from a treat it is not good enough to get a treat. Don’t make stuff up just because you want them to be happy!

Frequently Asked Questions

How do you stop a 2-year-old from hitting?

Firstly, you clearly set expectations about what will happen every time they hit someone. You explain why it is not acceptable behavior to hit others.

Tell them what will happen if they fail to comply.

Do not back down from any punishment you threaten to dish out. Stay strong, stand firm. They will respect you more.

Is my toddler spirited, or strong-willed?

It is a fine line between spirited and strong-willed. A spirited child’s bad behavior will not be as constant as a strong-willed 2-year-old. Spirited behavior will also be spirited in positive moments, whereas being strong-willed leans toward more negative behavior.

There is a difference here, and it is really important that you do not attempt to suppress your toddler’s spirit. You want them to have a bit of spirit, it is important in life! They question things, they improve things.

How do you discipline a 2-year-old who doesn’t listen?

If only there were 2-year-olds who do listen, then we could compare! I jest of course.

When toddlers do not listen it makes it more difficult to deal with. By following the tips on this page, you will not go far wrong.

When should I seek help with my strong-willed Toddler?

There are times when you might consider requesting the help of a Child Behavioral Therapist. To be honest, it is extremely unlikely to get to that stage. When you follow a disciplined process for long enough, your 2-year-old with either grow out of the phase, or they will fall into line.

Your situation might be different. If you get to the point where you are asking when you should seek help, then it might be time to seek help.

Conclusion

If you are struggling with a strong-willed 2-year-old then I really feel for your sanity. Follow the tips on this page and stay strong. You will get to the promised land… eventually!

It is worth remembering that many of the symptoms of a strong-willed 2-year-old are learned behavior! Is it time that you checked your own behavior? If you are also showing signs that you are strong-willed, then maybe you need to take that on board and live with it or lead by example!

Anyway, you have spent too long reading this post, get back and deal with your pint-sized dictator!

Good luck!

What do you do when your toddler only wants Mommy?

When a child is overly attached to one parent, it puts a strain that parent, leaving the other feeling left out, discarded…not needed!

It can be worse… When your child is obsessed with their Mother, it leaves poor Mom feeling worn out.

Although it is tough on both parents, it doesn’t have to be that way. In this post, I am going to look at some things you can do to stop your toddler only wanting Mom.

It is worth remembering that kids go through phases, one moment they only want Mommy, the next moment Dad is the favorite parent!

Why Does My Toddler Only Want Mom?

Because Mom’s are awesome, right?

Well yes, they are… but when your toddler spurns everyone else except Mom, then you have a problem.

There is no doubt that there is a special bond between mother and baby. When you spend the first 9 months of existence inside a person, you grow kind of attached to them… literally. Until the cord is cut!

Then, once you are born, Mom is there to feed you and comfort you. Your Mom is usually the first person you cuddle too. You know Mom has the food, right? Your bond is naturally close, even if you choose to bottle feed, you know it is there.

If you get a lot of attention from only Mom as a baby, then that bond just keeps growing and growing. This is how it should be.

However, if Dad or other carers take it in turns to care for the baby then that bond will grow stronger with all of those folks too.

If you are there when they are scared, with them when they get hurt and help them when they are sick, your toddler will learn that Mom is the source of everything they need. This may lead to them seemingly turning their back on everyone else.

I want to be clear, it is not a bad thing that Mom has done all of this because it is part of being a good parent. Some toddlers know that other people can look after them too, and some kids only think that Mom can. I believe this is where the problem is.

Child Overly Attached To Mother? Try These Tips

Praise Good Behavior

I can’t emphasize this enough – rewarding good behavior works with most behavioral problems in the toddler years!

Get a reward chart, and discuss what it is with your toddler. When they are well behaved during times when Mom is not around, make sure you put a start on the chart. Make a big deal about it too!

Do Not Withdraw 

One thing you must not do is withdraw from your toddler! That includes any forms of punishment if they are being too clingy to Mom.

Withdrawing can lead to escalating behavior, where they fear losing Mom. In simply means they will want to spend MORE time with Mom, which may lead to the ‘obsession’ category.

You really don’t want that.

Encourage Family Time

By encouraging family time, you are letting your toddler know that you are all involved in their upbringing.

If Dad is ‘on form’, then your toddler will begin to see Dad as a source of entertainment too!

Take Time Off

Don’t let this ruin your plans. If you need to get up and leave to go somewhere else, then go and do it.

If you are all in the same room (Mom, Dad, toddler) then get up and leave Dad to it. You will be around if needed, but make sure Dad and toddler spend some time together too.

Discuss Fears and Anxiety

I know this sounds like a trainwreck, but it is a good idea to (try and) have a discussion with your toddler about things that might be upsetting them.

It could be a number of things… dreams, darkness, loud noises. Whatever it is, discuss it with them as a family. Dad and Mom need to be involved!

Talk Before You Leave

Before you get up and leave your toddler with Dad or another carer, explain what is happening. I would approach it like this:

Hey, Mommy is just going out. I will be x minutes. While I am gone, Daddy is here to look after you. He knows what to do, and if you are scared or nervous, go and ask him to play with you for a while. He will love playing with your toys!

Talk When You Return

When you return from where you have been, the first thing you should do is speak to your toddler to see how they have got on, and what they have been doing.

This is the time to praise any good behavior. Ensure that Dad is present for the conversation too, so you can praise together. Don’t forget to add a star on the reward chard for good behavior!

If their behavior wasn’t good – it is time to discuss that too.

Hand Things Over To Dad

If your toddler is overly attached to Mother, it could be because Mom looks after them when they are sick, or anxious.

Have a frank discussion with Dad to let him know that it is his turn when your toddler is ill. You know Toddlers, the next sickness bug is always just around the corner, right?

The next time your toddler is scared, at night, for instance, then Dad needs to go and placate your Toddler. 

Both of these things will begin to build the understanding that Dad is also there to look after and protect your toddler.

What Is Excessive Attachment Of a Mother?

Toddler Cries For Everyone Else

You may find it impossible to leave your Toddler with anyone else. As soon as you walk out of the door, you know your toddler will be crying for Mom!

Toddler Will Not Leave Mom Alone

When your toddler is at home with Mom, poor old Mom may not get any time to herself. She may have to constantly deal with a clingy toddler.

Toddler Doesn’t Use The Potty When Mom Isn’t There

If you are potty training your toddler, you may find that they will regress when Mom is not around.

Toddler Asks For Mommy Constantly

When Mommy isn’t there, does your toddler constantly ask where Mommy is?

It is possible that your toddler may become cranky and clingy unless they are in eyeshot of Mommy. Then you have a needy Toddler on your hands!

Toddler Needs Constant Attention When Mommy Isn’t There

When a toddler needs constant attention, it is a huge draw on your inner resources! Especially when they only need attention when Mom isn’t around.

What Causes Attachment Issues In Children?

I touched upon this briefly at the beginning of this post, but here is a rundown of why a toddler may have attachment issues:

• They are worried that only Mommy can help if they are ill
• Your toddler thinks that only one parent can save them from being scared
• They may think that only one parent can feed and water them
• They are not used to being in the company of other people
• They feel protected around one Parent only

It is important to get to know the reasons why your toddler is overly attached to Mother. Only then can you fix it!

Frequently Asked Questions

Conclusion

When a child is overly attached to one parent it causes strain on a family. If your toddler is overly attached to Mother, then everyone in the family suffers. You can use the tips on this page to resolve the issue.

Think about it. If a child only wants Mom, then Dad is left out and siblings fight for attention. If a Child only wants Dad, then Mom feels left out and the siblings still have to fight for attention!

When implementing the tips on this page, you are going to get some kickback from your toddler, this is expected behavior. Your job is to clearly define what is going to happen and stick with it.

Good luck!

As if having a new baby is not tough enough, your toddler is now wading in!

Bringing a new baby into this world is going to add extra stress to your family, and that includes your Toddler. Toddler tantrums can break you, and they may escalate when an older child is jealous of a younger sibling.

But, how do you know if your toddler is coping ok with the new arrival? How do you know they are cool with it?

In this post, I am going to take a look at the common signs that your toddler is jealous of the new baby, so you can work your parenting magic to make it all better again!

Oh, and saying ‘You were this young once and we had to do all of this for you too’ straight up doesn’t work. This is a toddler you are dealing with, remember that!

9 Signs That Your Toddler Is Jealous Of New Baby

Common signs that your toddler is jealous of your new Baby.

More Shouting

Yeh, I know. MORE shouting. Is that even possible?

One key sign that your toddler is jealous of a new baby is shouting. Your toddler may feel as if you are being taken away from them. In an attempt to get more attention from you, they shout more.

Earplugs are frowned upon by the way, especially when looking after kids!

More Screaming

As if more shouting wasn’t bad enough. Here come more screams!

For the same reason as above, your toddler may scream more than usual to get your attention.

I hate screaming, especially those ‘off the cuff’ screams that you are not expecting!

Constant Need Of Attention

Mom, watch this. Dad, come here and play. Parents, put that baby back where it came from and pay me more attention!

Sounds familiar? That’s because you have a toddler. It could get worse, especially if your toddler is jealous of your new baby!

Withdrawal

For me, this is one of the 2 most difficult signs that your toddler is jealous of a new sibling. Just because I feel sorry for them.

Damn kids, pulling on your heartstrings like that!

Your toddler may withdraw from you as punishment for spending time with a new baby.

Toddler Hitting New Baby

This is the worst sign that your toddler is jealous of a new baby. You toddler may lash out at your newborn.

You need to pay close attention to this. If you think the green-eyed monster is making an appearance, do not leave them in a room together until you are confident that they will play nicely.

Fake Illness – Lots Of Them!

Here is another challenge. How do you know your toddler is sick when they tell you every day about a new ailment?

Bringing up kids is tough, why do we do it again?

If your toddler has suddenly become a hypochondriac then it could be the result of a fit of jealousy. Again, this is another attempt to drag your attention away from the screaming baby.

Hating On Parents

If your toddler suddenly hates you, it isn’t a good thing. It might seem it at the time, especially if they leave you alone, but it needs to be sorted quickly before it gets out of hand.

Your toddler might hate both parents, or they might begin to distance themselves from Mom, or Dad.

Not Eating

This doesn’t usually last long, especially when you wheel our their favorite dish!

As an attempt to grab the limelight away from their younger sibling, your toddler may go on hunger strike. Test their metal with a packet of their favorite candy. Dangle the candy in front of them. Tell your toddler they can have some candy after they finish their meal!

Easy.

Unusual Sleeping Patterns

Your toddler might develop unusual sleeping patterns, including:

• Difficulty getting your toddler to sleep
• Waking up during the night
• Not wanting to sleep in their own bed all night

Continue their regular bedtime routine until it all blows over. Because it will blow over. I promise.

Dealing With Toddler Jealousy Tantrums

Dealing with toddler tantrums when they are jealous of a new baby is exactly the same as dealing with toddler tantrums in general!

Take a look at my terrible twos post for more information.

Helping Older Siblings Cope With New Baby

The best thing you can do to help older siblings cope with their new sibling is to get them involved.

Toddlers love ‘helping’, despite the fact that it is more of a hindrance (sshh, don’t tell them!)

Need to change the baby? Get your toddler to grab a diaper, the wipes, and dispose of the old diaper (kidding).

Improving Toddler Behavior After New Baby Arrives

You only need to do one thing, set up a rewards chart! Kids love a rewards chart, and they love it when you praise them for good behavior.

Stick the rewards chart on the wall and lay down the ground rules. 1 star for good behavior, 1 star removed for bad behavior. At the end of the week, if you are x amount of stars, you get a treat!

Frequently Asked Questions

Conclusion

On this page, I have identified 9 signs that your toddler is jealous of a new baby. Now it is down to you to fix that!

As I mentioned on this page, the best thing that you can do to stop the jealousy is to get your toddler involved.

For a start, toddlers love to get involved. It also means that your toddler is receiving your attention still, AND it means that you don’t have to get out of your seat to get the diapers!

Try not to turn them into a slave though, the plan may backfire!

Good luck!

On Davids first day at Daycare, he bit another child’s butt.

Imagine the shame, the horror. The shame, the HORROR! My toddler, BITING another child!

This sentence was uttered to me by a friend of mine, the name has been changed to protect the innocent… or maybe not so innocent, you decide!

After a long conversation about how they dealt with this biting incident, I was intrigued. Although this is not something I have had to deal with, I wanted to know what steps they took to stop their toddler from biting.

So I asked them… and this is post is built from their response, so enjoy!

Is it normal for a toddler to bite?

On Davids first day at Daycare, he bit another child’s butt. The teacher swore that he aimed to bite off the child’s balls.

Chaos ensued, and a long meeting in which we were informed of David’s indefinite suspension from Daycare. “Nothing this bizarre has ever happened in the history of this school. Yes, children have bitten other children, but not so recklessly and so severely,” complained the Daycare staff member. “Please consult a child psychologist, buy anti-biting products, or whatever is necessary to transform him into a civilized member of society.”

According to child psychologists, biting is a part of the toddler’s development.

Children grow out of this phase at age three or four.

Sometimes, biting is a toddler’s strategy of coping with the travails of teething. Other times, toddlers weaponize their teeth in self-defense or as a show of strength and curiosity.

Anyway, my spouse and I were desperate to dissuade little David from sinking his little teeth into every skin he came in contact with. After a great deal of research, we uncovered countless strategies that were effective in curbing our toddler’s horrible habit. 

Steps You Can Take To Stop Your Toddler From Biting

Rather than resign David to his fate, we started implementing the following steps to dissuade David from biting.

Step 1: Improve your child’s communication skills

According to one child psychologist, David lacked the words to express his frustrations. Biting was the only way he knew to say, “You just hurt my feelings” or “That’s mine; give it back!”

When David learned to communicate his frustrations in simple sentences, he didn’t see the need to sink his teeth into anyone’s body. Things improved further when he learned other non-verbal communication strategies.

We provided stuffed toys and pillows he could embrace and clout, during moments where words proved inadequate. And because prolonged activities made him feel frustrated, we introduced sufficient breaks in-between activities. 

Step 2: Use appropriate tools and products

David developed a taste for biting when he started teething. Back then, he soothed his itching gums with his fingers or someone else’s skin. Once the teething phase was over, he began biting to get attention, exact revenge or vent his frustration.

David wouldn’t have morphed into a Daycare vampire if we had used the appropriate products and gear.

For instance, a cool teething ring was effective in soothing his baby sister’s gums when she started developing a taste for biting. A clean washcloth (or napkin) is another effective tool as it stopped David’s sister’s biting habit.

Placing a wet washcloth in the baby’s mouth reduces the sensitivity of the gums. 

Step 3: Instruct your toddler in clearer and positive, action words.

While some parents use negative words like don’t and can’t, I have found that active verbs like ‘do’, ‘speak’ and ‘go’ are more effective.

With David, we instructed him on the right actions to take, rather than emphasizing what he wasn’t permitted to do. ‘Don’t bite’ or ‘stop biting’ was communicated in clearer and direct words like ‘what’s on your mind? Speak up’ or ‘go and hug your stuffed teddy’.

Various studies show that negations confuse the brain and make it more difficult for humans to follow instructions. The brain responds more to affirmative statements and active verbs.

So when you say ‘stop biting’ or ‘no biting’. The brain takes the ‘biting’ and jettisons the preceding words. Use the right words when teaching your children to stop biting.

Step 4: Resist the temptation to retaliate

If I got a dollar for every time someone asked me to retaliate, I would be a millionaire. But I must confess that there were times when I wanted to grab David’s little arm and sink my teeth in. But as an educational psychologist, I understand that retaliation is only counterproductive. Children might not obey every instruction that leaves your mouth, but they will surely imitate your actions. Again, a recent research study has shown that corporal punishment can cause behavioral problems in children.

As the biting episodes became more infrequent, we introduced another deterrent. We called it the ‘Lemon rule’.

For every bite he delivered on the skin, he received a thoroughly washed, unpeeled lemon to sink his teeth into. And since he didn’t like the bitter taste of the lemon peel, he completely lost his taste for biting.

These steps were very effective for us. Some of these strategies might not appeal to you. Please don’t feel compelled to adopt them. I have listed them here because they worked for my toddler David, the chronic biter.

Should I Worry If My Toddler Exhibits Other Aggressive Behavior?

It is important to note that toddlers often resist change. At the onset of every new phase, your toddler might exhibit another aggressive behavior.

Rather than worry, it is advisable to take steps to dissuade your toddler from reacting violently.

Here are a few things you can do when your child starts exhibiting aggressive behavior.

• Create a safe and positive environment for your child to thrive in.
• Be gentle and patient with your toddler. When you exhibit aggression and impatience, they pick up the vibes and retaliate.
• Spend quality time with your toddler. Spending quality time with David taught me a lot about his needs. When I satiated his basic needs, he rarely had the urge to show any form of aggression.
• Boredom elicits mischievous behavior in children. Be creative. Sing, dance, draw, color and fly a kite. 

Recommended Gear To Help Stop Your Toddler From Biting

My success story will not be complete without the gear I used to help stop my toddler’s biting habit.

In the beginning, I was reluctant to purchase or even use them. I wasn’t sure they would work. And because we were swimming in debt, my spouse and I couldn’t afford to waste money on a gear that wouldn’t stop my toddler from biting.

But desperate times call for desperate measures. We didn’t want our toddler to get kicked out from his next Daycare, so we agreed to invest in some quality gear that could help David quit his bad habit. The following recommended items were the most effective in solving our problems:

• A cool teething ring
• A wet washcloth and napkin.
• Chew toys
• Chewable jewelry (for Mom or Dad to wear)

Frequently Asked Questions

Conclusion

Biting is one bad habit that pops up during the first few years of early childhood. As children get older (often around their third and fourth year of life), they generally stop chomping on other people’s skins. But because children mature at different rates, some may take longer to stop biting.

Be patient with your toddler, buy some of the recommended gear on our list and take steps to help your toddler improve.

However, you shouldn’t hesitate to consult a pediatrician or behavioral psychologist, if your child seems to be biting and exhibiting more aggressive behaviors.

Good luck!