Dad Tips

Mom has just gone through a world of pain to bring your child into this world!

So how do you ensure that her first few weeks as a Mom are (relatively) pain-free, insanely enjoyable, and less tiring?

Following on from my post about what a new Dad should know about pregnancy, we are now going to have a look at what new Moms needs from their husbands!

These tips are straight from the horse’s mouth (my wife).

I’m not calling my wife a horse by the way… although she does go through shoes like a horse. I also get thrown from her back occasionally.

So buckle up, get prepped, and get ready to be a top new Dad that will make the rest of them look mediocre at best!

Just think of it as putting some relationship points in the bag for when Mom is fully recovered……

10 Things That New Moms Need From Their Husbands

This list is definitely not conclusive, and it depends entirely on your situation. These tips will give you a solid foundation. The most important things you can do as a husband is to offer support, understanding, solidarity, and help with the new baby. Oh, and do not forget to offer your services around the home too!

If Mom has just gone through a ‘classic childbirth‘ then these tips apply.

If however, Mom has just been through a horrendous ordeal like emergency surgery or a C-section, then there are some other things you need to consider. You are now looking at taking care of a person who has just been through some major surgery!

I have said it before in so many posts on this site but preparation is the key to success for pregnancy, childbirth, and being a new Dad.

You should be preparing months in advance for the first few weeks at home with a new baby. If you leave it until the last minute, you will add extra stress on to Mom and the new baby. The first few weeks can be a very stressful time because you are basically given a life to look after, and there are no medical people around to help!

Patience

The 1st thing that new Moms need from their husbands is patience!

Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue.

That is your mantra for the 1st week at least, maybe for the 1st year. You will find out.

During the first few weeks, and because my wife had gone through terrible childbirth, I was on my feet quite a bit dealing with multiple requests for drinks, blankets, food, hot water bottles, and diapers. Then throw in the things my new Son needed and I was whacked out.

The important thing is when a brand spanking new demand arrived from wife or son, JUST AFTER I SAT DOWN, I needed to attend to it with a smile.

When a demand arrived for something that we didn’t have in the house, attend to it with a smile. Should a demand arrive for something that is not in the house and it is 3 am, attend to it with a smile.

Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue.

Understanding

Listen, Mom has just been put through the wringer. Everything hurts. Literally, everything.

You need to understand that.

During the childbirth of my son, I had 15 minutes sleep in 3 days. I had a heavy cold (a sore throat, blocked nose), but all of that was kept quiet because my wife was going through something much worse.

As long as you understand what Mom has just been through, the rest should come naturally.

Your job is to also understand what new Mom needs from their husbands physically too. This isn’t just a mental thing, although that is more important.

New Moms need rest, and to be comfortable.

For Dad To Listen

One of my biggest challenges as a new Dad was to listen, which is something I really needed to work on.

I do listen generally in life, but when you are sleep deprived and your brain isn’t switching off, listening gets pushed to the back of the queue for your brain.

Bring it right to the forefront of your mind, just for Mom!

New Moms will have a lot to say, and they will also have a lot of questions that might need to be answered. Listen to what they are saying and asking, so you can respond quickly and confidently.

If you don’t know the answer to a question, text someone who will know and then report back to your wife. Easy.

For Dad To Take Charge Of The New Baby

This is huge, and really helped my wife recover and also helped to create a strong bond with my son (something which I hold very dear to me).

It is Dads job to take charge sometimes so Mom can chill.

Before my son was born, we agreed that the night feeds would be shared. It was one of the best decisions we made as new parents. One of us took the last feed (22:00ish) then the other would take 02:00, then we would swap again for 06:00.

It made the first few weeks much easier to handle.

Not only do you need to arrange the feeds, but there are also so many things that Dad will need to take care of. Here is a small list:

• Make sure you have enough baby things (Diapers, cleaning wipes, etc)
• Do some laundry (So everyone has clean clothes)
• Do some shopping (So you have some food in)
• Clean up (So the house is tidy for visitors, women panic about people visiting a dirty house!)

For Dad To Not Assume

Do not assume, just ask.

If you assume your wife is hungry and you make her some lunch, she might flip out (hormones, tiredness).

It may sound ridiculous because it is, BUT, when you are tired and hormonal, you tend to flip out over the little things.

Take away the opportunity for a major flip out by asking your wife if you can get her anything. Cycle through the same old questions:

• Would you like something to eat?
• Do you need to sleep for a while?
• Can I get you a drink?
• Are you comfortable?

This can be a bit overbearing, but it is important to ask these questions. If the new Mom has had an easy(ish) childbirth then they are likely to be able to do a lot of things themselves. They may get fed up with you asking these questions, so be aware of the responses.

Know Where Stuff Is

Do you know where the following items are:

1. Diapers
2. Baby wipes
3. Baby monitor
4. Ear thermometer
5. Baby clothes
6. Stroller
7. Baby bottles
8. Car keys

If you don’t, then go and find out exactly where they are. From 30 weeks onwards, all the important stuff was put in a place and I was shown where it all was. A few days later, it changed around. This process continued until my son was born. My job was to keep up and make a mental note for when the time comes.

There are some items in the list that will need replacing after a while, make sure there are replaced before they run out.

Being an organized person has huge health benefits, including making the right food choices, and improving sleep!

Ask Before Arranging Visitors

When your new baby is here, everyone and their wife will want to come and pay you a visit!

That is good news because they usually bring gifts (drop some hints for yourself too, you also need a new Dad survival kit!)

It all seems too good to be true, they bring gifts AND they will take the baby off your hands while they are visiting. Win/win!

BUT – let’s not forget that the new Mom has just been through childbirth and may not feel up for visitors. It is definitely not a good idea to spring some visitors on at the last minute, especially if the house is also not up for visitors.

Arrange for visits together, and be prepared to cancel people at the last minute if it is not a good time. People understand.

Stress is never good, especially for new Moms, AND new babies!

Time Alone

A Woman’s body is flooded with hormones when they are pregnant and they do not stop after childbirth!

Those hormones are pumped through the body to make them naturally be a good Mom. A downside is that they tend to put a block on being away from the baby for too long.

It is really important that Mom gets some time alone to reflect on what she has just gone through. When you return, her mental clarity will be better and she will (hopefully) be more rested.

To get to the stage where the hormone-ravaged wife will let you walk out with your baby, you need to convince her that you know what you are doing. Increase confidence by taking charge of small things at home. When the baby needs changing, get on your feet and do it. The more confident they are in your ability, the more relaxed they will be while you are out.

A New Mom Survival Kit

I asked my wife what she would like in a new Mom survival kit, and this is what she said:

• Chocolate
• Eye Mask
• Hot Water Bottle
• Slippers
• Comfortable Pants

Try to steer clear of giving anything alcoholic if Mom is breastfeeding! It might just infuriate them, and you really do not want that…..

LOOK OUT FOR THEM!

THE BIGGEST TIP ON HERE, but it is not what they want, it is what they NEED.

It is very important that Dads learn about Postpartum Depression and all possible symptoms.

Forwarned is forearmed. 

Health Professionals are excellent at spotting the symptoms. They are trained to ask the right questions to ensure there are no red flags that could indicate the onset of Postpartum Depression. Dads are not.

I genuinely think they should have classes JUST FOR DADS on the warning signs for things that can go wrong during, and after the pregnancy.

Around 1 in 10 women suffer from some of the most severe symptoms of Postpartum Depression, make sure you know the symptoms so you can get some help for the new Mom before it escalates.

Conclusion

After asking my wife what new Moms need from their husbands, she gave me 9 of the 10 things above! The last tip was from me because Moms need someone to look out for them after giving birth!

The most important thing is that you remember exactly what they have just been through. Not just the whole childbirth thing, I am talking about the 9 months leading up to the childbirth too. As soon as women get pregnant, they are flooded with hormones.

It doesn’t stop there either, the hormones carry on well into the new babies life. Give them time, give them space and use a hell of a lot of patience to make sure they remain cool.

Sort things out and take control – you may not be thanked for it, but you will have a much happier, healthy family unit.

If you are a new Dad, congratulations! If you are about to be a new Dad, there is plenty of advice on DadGold.com to give you an advantage.

Good luck!

It is going to hit you like a steam train!

I had 2 and 1/2 weeks paternity leave after the birth of my Son. The clock started ticking as my Wife was induced. Little did I know that 3 of those days would be spent waiting for my Son to make an appearance, followed by 8 days of overnight hospital stays while they treated my Wife and Son BEFORE I could get them both home!

17 Days – 11 days = 6 at home with Mother and Child.

During the 6 days I spent at home, I could catch up on my sleep during quiet moments in the daytime – One of my tips for surviving the 1st week at home as a new Dad!

Going back to work removed the prospect of getting my head down during the day – I could still do it, but it would result in me having a lot more time off work and a lot less money!

At first, I struggled, as you would do. Looking back on my first few days at work, I noted a few things that helped me get through it…..aside from the fact that I was fully prepared to be a new Dad.

So I decided to create a post to give you some tips on returning to work after paternity leave!10 Tips To Help You Return To Work After Paternity Leave – Quick Links

1. Teamwork
2. Take Reminders To Work
3. Befriend Another Dad
4. Power Nap Through Your Lunch
5. Stimulant
6. Move About A Lot
7. Get Some Fresh Air
8. Mornings = Important Stuff
9. Eat A Smart Breakfast
10. Smart Snacking

10 Tips For Surviving Work After Paternity Leave

1. Teamwork

I created a plan for making sure I was getting enough sleep during the night, so I could function correctly at work.

There were 3 feeds during the ‘night period’ that we needed to be ready for:

22:00-00:00 – Feed before sleep

We shared feeding most nights. Our usual bedtime is around this time anyway, so it had little effect on sleeping patterns.

02:00-04:00 – Middle of the night feed

My wife took this from Monday morning to Friday morning. I took this one on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

06:00-08:00 – Early morning feed

This was also shared, with the exception of weekends, where I did it.

I thought it was a very evenly balanced process. It worked well! During the week, I wasn’t too tired for work, and if my Wife wanted to get some sleep in the early evening, I would take on the last feed of the day. I took on the weekends, so Mrs. Gold can catch up on her sleep.

The downside is that you will not be having a lay-in for some time!

2. Take Reminders To Work

This really helped me. One of my new Dad gifts was a photo frame, which I keep on my desk at work.

When being back at work is making you as depressed as hell, take a look at the picture to remind yourself that there is someone else who relies on you bringing home the bacon.

It also acts as an awesome reminder to never do it again.

3. Befriend Another Dad

If you work in a large environment, full of other people, there is likely to be someone you know who has recently gone through what you are going through.

Ask them how they got on, seek some advice. What did they do to get through it?

Us Dad’s are pretty resourceful, we are forever coming up with something to make our lives easier. It is part of being a Man.

4. Power Nap Through Your Lunch

As I look at the car park through the window next to my head (great view), I can see 2 people sitting in their cars almost every lunchtime.

There is one guy, in the Summer months only, who opens every one of his car doors and goes to sleep for 40 minutes. Weather permitting, of course.

I have never spoken to him, but I imagine he is a Dad.

5. Stimulant

If coffee is your thing, make sure the supply at work never runs out.

Some of you lucky Dads might even be on the road a lot, and you can buy Coffee while you are traveling! I envy you, I really do.

If Coffee isn’t for you, find a suitable replacement. Other options for a pick me up include:

Water

When you are tired, your body will feel dehydrated. Drink plenty of water to keep hydrated and feel more awake.

As an added bonus, the more water you drink, the more times you will need to toilet. Moving about will keep you awake!

Tea

A slow release of caffeine.

Vitamin Drinks

Vitamin B shows improvements in brain function and helps to keep you alert throughout the day. Drinking an effervescent vitamin supplement will give you a much-needed boost.

Caffeine Drinks

Massive hit of a stimulant! Use this with caution. There are some heavy hitters out there that will keep you awake and give you a boost! My personal preference is the Monster Range.

6. Move About A Lot

Some Dads will have jobs where you are moving a lot, and some (like me) will have office jobs, where the only exercise you get is moving your hands over a keyboard or dragging your head up from your chest to see what you are typing.

If you have an office job, make sure you take time every hour to walk somewhere. As long as it not the snack machine, it will also improve your health.

7. Get Some Fresh Air

If you can’t sleep at lunch, make sure you get away from your desk for some fresh air – assuming you are desk-based.

Take a walk (that’s not abuse, by the way) and clear your head. It is a great idea to get some exercise and to take some time away from your place of work.

Clearly, if your job keeps you on your feet all day, then flip it around. Use your lunch and break times to get some well-earned rest!

8. Mornings = Important Stuff

For those times when you are traveling to work, running on minimum sleep, you will be grateful to your former self for booking in the important stuff (meetings, complex tasks) for the morning.

15:00 is a well known time for the daily ‘energy crash’ and lack of sleep the previous night will only exacerbate the crash!

There are some things you can do to avoid this crash or to reduce the impact…like drink plenty of water, or be more active and make better snack choices.

If you plan the important stuff in the morning, then you will be able to get those out of the way before it hits you!

I went through a stage of arranging meetings for mornings only, because my boss noticed I yawned a lot in the afternoon!

…and with a newborn, you will be yawning that much that your jaw will start to ache!

9. Eat A Smart Breakfast

It is easier said than done when you are trying to get ready for work and you are also trying to placate a newborn baby!

Eating a good breakfast will set you up for the day, and there are certain foods you should include to keep you ticking over nicely.

Oats

Probably the best carbohydrate there is for a steady release of energy. Not only are oats a great idea for a breakfast, but they are also a top idea for lunch too, especially if you want to avoid the 15:00 crash.

Banana

For a fantastic, natural energy boost, why not have a Banana as part of your breakfast. I would also suggest taking one into work because they are a great healthy choice for a snack.

Eggs

Top of the breakfast tree this one. Clinical trials have shown an increase in energy levels for those who had consumed Eggs for breakfast. This is a serious weapon in your battle to stay awake at work!

So as it happens, the best breakfast to have to help you through your return to work is Oats, Banana, and Eggs. I’ve no idea how you can throw all of those in the same dish but hey, whatever keeps you awake!

10. Smart Snacking

In the tip above, I said it is a great idea to have a Banana for breakfast….and to take one to work for a snack.

There are also other options that I would go for, such as:

Nuts

More with the Clinical Trials! Nuts are packed full of energy and will help improve your brain function while slowly releasing energy throughout the day. They also come with the added benefit that they reduce loads of terrible health conditions, like high blood pressure, heart disease, and sudden cardiac death.

Shake It

This will take a little preparation in the morning but it is a top choice for a perfect snack that is going to keep your brain in gear for the PM.

It’s pretty simple. 1 scoop of protein powder, a small spoon of peanut butter and 40 grams of oats. It has everything you need……protein and decent, slow-burning carbs. I lived on these for a for months!

Snacking correctly is really important. When your body is shattered, it will want all kind of wrong foods to keep in going. SCREAMING OUT…get me some chocolate, damn you! Quell those voices, by snacking well.

Or just get some chocolate, whatever gets you through it Man.

Conclusion

There you go! Those are 10 things I did during my first week back at work. They helped me get through it!

My personal favorite is tip number 1, it is very important to share the load and to arrange which feeds you are going to take on. Not only will it give you a bit more sleep, but it also stops you negotiating (arguing) at 3 am…

Returning to work after paternity leave is a struggle, there is no doubt about that.

If you have a decent boss, they will be understanding of your new situation and will (hopefully) cut you some slack.

Can you think of any more tips that should be on here? Have you recently returned to work after paternity leave? Did you use any tools to help you through the 1st week? If so, contact us or leave a reply below!

Good luck!

You’ve done it! You are in your first week of being a Dad! Congrats Man.

After the roller-coaster of emotions, and after 9 months of navigating your way past a full-on hormonal pregnant monster (no offense), you are now on easy street, my friend!

Of course, I am joking. Let’s take two minutes to remember your former life.

………………………………

Done? Good.

Now you are a Dad. Your wet wiped filled life, is now dedicated to bringing up a child. Barring any medical issues, you are now at home with your child.

What happens next?

Help Me! I’ve Got This New Baby And I Don’t Know What To Do!

Chill out! It’s a piece of cake, honest.

This is how my Son spent his first week at home:

• 70% – Sleeping.
• 10% – Eating.
• 10% – Being Changed.
• 8% – Crying because he is hungry, or needs changing.
• 2% – Crying for no apparent reason. Maybe my face scared him, we will never know.

Here are some tips to get you through the 1st week of being a Dad

• Chill Out, Man
• Know Where Stuff Is
• Prep For Feeding Times
• Use The Downtime Wisely
• Plan A Visitor Roster
• Share The Load
• Take Loads Of Photos
• Fire Up Your Streaming Service
• Order Some Flowers
• Keep An Eye On Each Other

1. Chill Out, Man

Babies are pretty useless. They can’t walk, talk, fix stuff or cook your dinner.

They do, however, know how to read emotions.

When you are stressed, they pick up on it. A normal functioning human being will take it easy on you until you are back out from your stress zone. A normal functioning human being will help to guide you back to a better place, for the sake of your sanity and your health.

A baby is not a normal functioning human being. No sir, not at ALL.

They are hell-bent on making it worse. Not because they are evil, you understand. It is because they don’t really know what is going on, and may find themselves a little scared of stressed Dad.

Take it easy! There is a saying, and that is ‘Pretend Until You Are’. That is easier said than done, but you must pretend to be an oasis of calm.

When the baby is asleep, you can stress as much as you want. QUIETLY.

2. Know Where Stuff Is

This has been a big-time stress trigger in my house. It still is.

Get to know where the following things are:

Wet Wipes

I am serious here. Buy as many packets of wet wipes as you can. Scatter them around the house.

Wherever you are in the house, you must always be within 2 meters of a packet of wet wipes.

Take this advice, and repeat for a (currently unspecified) number of years.

Diapers/Nappies

Repeat the process above.

My wife like to keep things clean. I like to keep things within reach, for an emergency.

At first, they were kept upstairs. We soon realized, in the event of a mass evacuation of bowels, it would be easier if we didn’t have to carry him up the stairs to grab one! The result would be much MUCH more washing.

Food

I am talking about the kid here. Whether they are breastfed, bottle fed with formula or bottle fed with breast milk. Know where they all are!

I am going to assume you know where the breasts are. They don’t belong to you at the moment though, remember that.

3. Prep For Feeding Times

If your baby is formula fed, not only will you need to know where everything is, you must also be prepared for a quick formula shake-up, especially at 3 am.

Instead of waking you up with a calming gurgle, you are likely to be woken up by an ear piercing scream, as if something REALLY bad has happened.

They are probably hungry, get the bottle ready and get them fed, before you wake the whole street up.

PS – A little tip from a Dad, when they wake up hungry (at night), change them before feeding. They will go back to sleep much easier when you have finished winding them. If you do it the other way around, they might just stay awake thinking it is play time!

4. Use The Downtime Wisely

Your first week will be the week where your sleep pattern is totally broken. Not only will you be up every 3 to 4 hours because they are hungry, but you will also stay awake worrying that they are OK (if you are like me!).

Just quickly, if you do struggle with sleeping because you are constantly worried about them, use a baby monitor with a sensor pad. I cannot tell you how much reassurance this gave me! Knowing that I would be alerted to any issues resulted in better quality sleep for me!

Use the time during the day wisely. When they hit the hay, you get your head down….all of you.

You may not get the full 8 hours straight sleep anymore, but you can easily make up the numbers with a few cat naps during the day.

Which brings me neatly onto the next tip…..

5. Plan A Visitor Roster

Everyone you know will want to come and take a look at your new baby as soon as you are at home.

Hopefully, if they have a bit of respect, they will make contact with you and ask for the best time to visit.

Set out some time when you are happy with receiving visitors (as long as they bring gifts!). When it’s not the time for visitors, turn off your doorbell, and hibernate.

6. Share The Load

Luckily, I had some time away from work…which I had to extend due to the childbirth issues we had!

The result of my time off was that I was able to take on a lot more tasks, especially overnight.

Due to the level of destruction, my wives body had to go through, I felt it was only right that I got up for every night feed, so I did. It didn’t stop her getting up too, despite me suggesting otherwise!

Sharing the tasks and working as a team made the first week at home much easier. Make a plan before you go to bed so you know which of you is going to get up for each feed.

During the day, do the same.

This parenting stuff is much easier when you work together!

7. Take Loads Of Photos

The first 2 weeks of your babies life is the time when you need to take ‘newborn’ photos. After 2 weeks, they will grow out of this phase.

Make sure you take enough photos during this time, for two reasons:

Memories

It is obvious, but you will want to remember them when they are this small. Take as many as you can.

Thank You Cards

New births often mean a truckload of gifts! Use some of the photographs you have taken to create some thank-you cards for those who have taken the trouble to buy your new child (or you!) a gift.

If you have a bit of spare cash on the hip, why don’t you book some time with a photographer? It seems most people know someone who is ‘into photography’ so hook up with them, see if they are up for taking some shots of you all.

8. Fire Up Your Streaming Service

I mentioned this in my new Dad survival kit post because if you do not sleep when they do, it is the perfect opportunity to load up Amazon, Netflix….whatever your preference is!

My Wife and I managed to get through quite a few movies during the first two weeks of our Son being at home. Who needs sleep anyway?

If you can, try to pick out some decent TV shows….or a small selection of movies before the first week so you can just load them up and tick them off one by one.

PS – Fresh air is good for you, so make sure you spend a bit of time outside the house too!

9. Order Some Flowers

C’mon, she has been through a lot, and now is the time to give her a bit of a treat…..if flowers is her thing that is!

You can order flowers to turn up on the same day if you get on the website quick enough.

A bouquet of flowers goes a long way in making them feel better, it is a small price to pay after they sacrificed their body to squeeze a baby out.

Plus – when the flowers arrive, it is the perfect time to pick a movie YOU want to see, because the chances of conflict are much lower. Take advantage guys.

10. Keep An Eye On Each Other

OK, this one is much more serious than the rest and is clearly THE MOST IMPORTANT tip on this page.

Fella’s – You need to get to know the symptoms of postpartum depression.

Soon after giving birth (and for about 6 weeks after), a Woman’s body will start to return to a normal, non-pregnant state. That means a huge drop in hormone levels! Add that to sleep deprivation and added stress and it can lead to a perfect storm for depression.

The Baby blues are very common in early parenthood.

It is definitely worth reading this entire post about the early warning signs so you can get used to them and keep an eye to make sure everything is cool.

If you do notice something and it concerns you, please speak to your partner or a Doctor.

Better to be safe than sorry.

The same goes for us guys too (without the huge change in hormone levels!). Additional stress, sleep deprivation, and increased self-expectancy can trigger a depressive state.

The moral here is that you need to watch out for each other. Keep an eye out and notice any difference in behavior that may indicate the start of a problem. Then deal with it.

Conclusion

If you are now in the first week of Fatherhood and you have just got them home, congratulations. Now your time as a Dad begins!

It is not all bad, it is not all tiring and this is the start of an awesome time of your life.

I hope these 10 tips will help you through your first week as a new Dad, they certainly made my first week easier!

Can you think of anything else you need for your first week as a Father? If you can, let me know by leaving a reply below.

Enjoy your first week, and keep an eye on each other!

Your pulse is racing, your temples are pounding and your temperature is rising. Your face starts to go a bit red and sweat beads drip from your hairline (If you still have one).

It is a feeling that all parents are faced with suppressing unless you want your child to learn that anger is what happens when you have a disagreement. You know they will copy you eventually.

Just like they do when you swear at other drivers.

There are a few causes of a toddler meltdown, a few ways you can get out of them and a few things you can do to avoid an injury bought about by flying toy car. Or a smack around the head with a Buzz Lightyear…that REALLY hurt, by the way!

There Are Two Types Of Arguments When Your Opponent Is A Child

Arguments with kids can either build up over a few hours or explode in a few mindbogglingly ridiculous seconds.

The explosive arguments are usually over something earth-shattering like they can’t find a toy, or they have just spilled their drink because they were not paying attention when leaping about for no particular reason.

They can go from laughing to full-blown meltdown in the time it takes for me to work out why they were laughing in the first place. You’ve got to be quick just to keep up.

These are unavoidable, tantrums are part of Dad life, get used to it.

A toddler disagreement can also happen over time. I call them the brimming arguments.

It takes time to build up. The argument is usually sparked when you are busy trying to get something done and they will not leave you alone.

You tell them you will only be a few minutes. Those minutes turn into a few more minutes because they will not leave you alone to get whatever you need to, done.

Suddenly, an hour has gone by and all you have done is explain to a child that you will only be a few more minutes.

They pick up on your frustration and realize they are pushing your buttons. Now they know how to, and they will ramp up the pressure.

What is it about kids that makes them like to see their parents malfunction?

The second type of arguments are the ones you need to put a stop to as they build up. Find a way around it, find a way that suits both parties.

Hopefully, these tips will help you on the way to keeping cool during arguments with your child. Kids start getting emotional, and they are not yet adept in telling you what the f…. is going on in their heads.

10 Tips To Keep You Cool And Stop You Arguing With Your Child

Here they are, some eureka moments I have picked up on my journey so far as a Dad. I regularly use these to avoid conflicting with my Son.

When reasoning and accountability are removed from an argument, I’m out.

You Gotta Evac, Right Now!

The first job, get out of the area!

To stop you flipping out completely, remove yourself from the situation and give yourself time out.

When you remove yourself from the battle, close your eyes and remember that they are young. They are still learning the world. They may have an issue that they cannot convey to you in a language you will understand!

You can’t argue with a child, don’t even try. Logic and reasoning go out of the window, you have to understand that. Remind yourself of this during your time out.

Sure, you can still hear what is going on, they WANT you to hear. They may even follow you out of the room….lock yourself in the bathroom, do anything to get yourself away.

When you get back in the room with them, you will be much calmer.

It Isn’t Hulk Time! Don’t Get Angry!

Do not get angry….and try not to even raise your voice.

I know it is difficult, but imagine what they will be like in a few years when they learn from you that raising your voice is ‘what you do’ as a fully functioning human being.

Leave the inner Hulk in his box, don’t let him out.

Anyway, raising your voice is only going to get matched by theirs in a fully grown baby/toddler breakdown.

Instead of raising your voice, carry on talking to them on a conversational volume level. Soon they will learn that they do not get anywhere by shouting, and because the parents do not shout, the child is also learning not to shout by copying your cool, calm, suave demeanor.

A recent study has shown that yelling at your Child can result in them becoming more aggressive. It is vital that you show your Child the benefits of calm conflict resolution as early as possible!

Check Yourself, Before You Wreck Your…..Kid

When you are taking your timeout (see tip 1) think about how you might be adding to their mood. Have a think about anything you are doing to make them annoyed.

Even the smallest thing will kick it off, you know what kids are like.

Think about what you have said to them in the build-up.

As I have already mentioned, kids are getting used to their new emotions. They do not understand how to deal with them yet, because they have not had the experience that will serve to teach them.

Literally, the smallest thing. Think about any looks you gave them, or any hand gestures (Easy….not THOSE hand gestures). Simply putting your hand up to stop them in their tracks has the potential to rile them. It might not be immediate, but once they realize they don’t know how to deal with it, they default to meltdown.

Listen and Respond

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Epictetus

When you return from your oasis of calm, get to their level (physically) and ask them what the problem is, in a calm voice. They will not respond calmly.

Ask them again. And again, but do not raise your voice.

Eventually, you hope, they will tell you. Then at least you can do something about it.

Kids get annoyed a lot, and I quickly noticed that it is because they can’t communicate well. When they do start to communicate well, so many people do not listen.

Seriously, I see it all the time.

A few weeks back, I was sitting in a coffee shop because I turned up early for a meeting. There was a young parent in there with a child, who must have been around 3-4. The kid was trying to ask his parent something, but they were not getting much of a response (nose stuck in phone syndrome).

Eventually, after countless requests for them to listen, the parent snapped back at full volume. It almost blew the froth off the top of my flat white.

That is just bad parenting. LISTEN to your kid. What they are saying will likely be pointless, and not very interesting, but you don’t want them to grow up thinking no-one is interested in what they are saying.

Are They Bored?

When my Son is bored, I know about it.

He gives me a look, which says to me ‘I’m gonna haunt you for the next few minutes, just to see how you react’.

It is a warning sign. It is in your best interest to find something to do with them before they start pulling your strings and making you dance like Pinocchio.

When I see that look heading my way, I’ll suggest doing something together. Playing with his toys, picking a film to put on. Anything that makes them forget they are bored.

Anything that makes them forget about pushing your buttons.

Give Them Some Learning Time

A great way to stop them being bored and kicking off is to sit them down an teach them something.

You need for them to look up to you as someone who is teaching them things. They NEED to look up to you as someone who is capable of teaching them things.

This act will earn you respect and will reduce the chances of conflict when you ask them to do something or to stop doing something.

Put yourselves in their shoes, if someone tells you to stop doing something, and that person is a teacher…a leader, are they more likely to listen to them? What if that person is someone who just tells them to stop doing something because it is annoying? Who are they likely to listen to more?

You are a leader and a teacher to them. Earn their respect by reinforcing their belief.

Are They Tired? Hungry? Sick?

My Son gets grumpy when he is hungry.

Most kids do.

It acts as a timely reminder to feed them, which I appreciate. If your child seems to be in a bad mood, just ask them if they are hungry. It could be the magic bullet.

Tired? Grumpy! Same thing. If my Son gets up early in the morning, he is going to be grumpy by 16:00. I know this, I Can prepare for it.

Sick? Grumpy! Like I have mentioned above a couple of times, they can sometimes struggle with emotions. When they are sick, they can get emotional.

Check the usual signs of sickness. Ask them if they feel OK if they are old enough to respond (i.e. don’t try it with a 6 months old!). Feel their forehead (It’s is like the tire kick for kids).

Look For The Root Of Their Frustration

This is a difficult one, and one you might have to do when today’s battle is over.

It is very similar to tip number 2, only in much more detail.

Think about the build-up to the argument and see if you can identify anything that could have sparked it off.

Speak to your partner, to see if they have found the same triggers. Potentially, you could unearth a common theme that you can look to avoid in the future.

Yeh, as I said, this is a difficult one.

Get Your Punishment Ready

If all else fails, the punishment could be the only way.

I am certainly not an advocate of smacking my kid, so I look at other options.

For every action, there must be a reaction. The reaction to their action MUST be justifiable and fair. If they tell you to shut up, don’t be going to their room and packing up all their toys, it is too far. What will you do it they do something a lot worse?

By now, you should really have spoken with your partner and set up some punishments that fit specific crimes.

My punishments include banning him from his iPad, removing one of his favorite toys or putting him on the foot of the stairs, where he is not allowed to move for a certain amount of time.

Think about how your punishment may affect them. I was around a friends house a couple of years back, and his child threw a massive tantrum. He picked her up, took her to bed, shut the door and returned downstairs.

Literally, ten minutes later he was telling me how difficult it is to get her to bed at night.

She began to see her bed as punishment, and couldn’t settle. I gave him some advice. Basically, instead of using her bed, use the bottom of the stairs. A few weeks later, he was finding it much easier to put her to bed.

Although, she now has an abject fear of the stairs!

Ok, I made that last bit up…..

It is all about making your life easier. When a kid is asleep, it is your time. Don’t add to the challenge of getting them asleep by making them scared of it!

Hand Them Over For An Hour

Damn, everything else has failed huh?

Still having an argument, with no end in sight?

Be nice to your elderly relatives, they may be the only answer.

If you can, drop them off and take advantage of the free babysitting service. Even if you go to the shop on your own for 30 minutes or so. Have a little bit of time without them.

Reset yourself, then go and pick them up.

Conclusion

Hopefully, I have given you some words of wisdom on how to stay cool when your kids are making you angry.

There really is no point in arguing with a child, so using some self-learned tips, like the ones above, you need to go out of your way to avoid having these ‘heated discussions’.

Common disagreements come at the usual times, bedtime, mealtime, brushing teeth time, we have to leave the park time, I’ve been in the back of a car, when are we going to get there time.

It is always worth checking on a few tips. For instance, I wrote an article tips for how you can get your kids to eat, and there are some great tips on what you can do to make traveling with a toddler on a flight much easier. Arm yourselves with all the information you can take in.

Forewarned is forearmed, as they say!

Anyway, if you can think of any tips I have missed off from this page, or if I have helped you out in any meltdown situations at home then please get in contact, or leave a reply below!

Good luck Dads!