Kids Parties – 10 Step Genius Survival Guide

There we were, driving down the road, happily singing along to Guns n Roses (My kid LOVES GnR!), then over the horizon, I saw it.

At first, it looked like a hall because it was a hall.

But not JUST a hall.

It was a hall FULL of all the party horrors in a dad’s world. I’m not dramatic here; let me fill you in…

30 screaming kids rammed full of sugar, an inflatable castle, a table full of party food (30 kids hands have rifled through it all), and a gaggle of Mothers.

Gaggle of Mothers – The collective noun for Women who have given birth.

I parked up, got my Son out of the car, and walked to the hall as if I was walking the Green Mile.

Please let there be another Dad in there!

Seasoned Kids party attendees see a party as an opportunity to ditch their kid for a few hours. It wears them out, you see, and this is awesome if you want them to get to sleep later!

10 Dad Tips For Surviving A Kids Party


1. Play With Your Kid

You could spend the entire party linked up to your kid. Wherever they go, you go with them and play.

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Not only is this a great opportunity to kill time, but you also get to spend time with your awesome child! People will respond too!

‘Ahhh, look at that Dad playing with his child, isn’t that sweet’

Says one of the Gaggle

Yeh – but I am only doing it, so I don’t have to chat with you.

If you pack your child’s bag up with a few of their favorite toys, they might want to sit with you and play!

2. Look Around For Some Help

If you are lucky, you may find another dad there to chat with. Someone who is more experienced in dealing with kid’s parties. Learn from them.

On the other hand, you might find someone in there who looks like he is in the same position as you. It could be a mom too, don’t rule that out.

If there is someone in there who looks like they need someone to chat to, go over and be the man.

3. Escape Early

You have something to do; you know….that thing you had planned, with your neighbor. Yeh, that’s it, they need to visit someone in the hospital, and you said you would watch their kids for a few hours.

‘I am so sorry, but I have to leave early today’ – Look sad. ‘I hate to be missing out on such a fantastic party.’

Hey, I don’t care if you think this is a coward’s way out; as long as my sanity remains intact, I am happy!

4. Your Phone Is Your Friend

You will look unsociable, but don’t let that stop you! I went to a party recently, and there was 1 guy who followed this process:

  1. Arrive
  2. Take his kids coat off
  3. Push kid towards the inflatable castle
  4. Sit down on his own
  5. Get phone out
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That was it. For the entire 3 hours, he only put his phone down to go and get some food. I said above, it is pretty unsociable, but he managed to easily get through the 3 hours, so if you want an easy time, go for this option!

6.Gravitate To Your Kids Friends Parents

Keep an eye on your kid (it’s good parenting advice anyway). Please take a look to see who they go and play with. Eventually, they will go and see their parents (drink, food). Go and speak to them.

If your kid has a friend, always get to know the parents. Not just because they are likely to be at other parties you will be forced to go to; you also need to find out if they are decent people.

Eventually, when they are old enough they might be spending a lot of time at their friend’s house, so you need to know what kind of people the parents are.

Making friends with the parents of your child’s friend is the foundation of surviving future parties. You will already know someone there, which is a huge bonus!

7. Get To The Food First

Always take a position near the food table! ALWAYS!

As soon as the food is ready, the kids will be rushing over there to wedge their sweaty hands all over the sandwiched.

If you get there first, you get a pick of fresh food.

While you are at the food table, don’t pass the cakes without picking one or two up. Many people leave the cakes for the second visit. It is too late! Pick everything you want before the kids get there.

8. Don’t Eat The Birthday Cake

It is amazing how much saliva comes out of a child’s mouth when they step up to perform the simple task of blowing 3 or 4 candles out.

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Take a look around when the birthday cake is dished out. See how many parents say no to a slice of cake but are quite happy for their kids to take a bit.

They are not nice. ‘Save it for the kids.’ No way, they don’t want a bit because they saw it covered in saliva when the kid blew out the candles!

If you listened to tip number 7, you would have already had a cake anyway. Don’t be a fatty!

9. Go In Like Rambo

This one can be overbearing, and it may need a little practice….and a hell of a lot of confidence!

Strut into the party like a boss! Walk up to the Gaggle of mothers and introduce yourself.

10. Make Yourself Busy

There is always stuff to do at a party, like serving food, serving drinks, or being in charge of the music.

Hunt down those in charge and see if any jobs are going. Make yourself busy, and the time will fly.

You are not likely to get the best jobs straight away, like being in charge of the music, but you might be asked to cover for a few minutes if you get to know them.


There you go! 10 things that you can do to help survive a kid’s party!

I must admit that I have gotten used to attending parties over the years of being an awesome dad. You get to know some of the moms and some dads, and you don’t mind talking to them.

Good luck at the party! You will need it.


About ME

Let’s start with the obvious, I’m a dad.

I have 2 kids. One was dragged out from the comfort of his Mother’s womb kicking and screaming, and the other was a little easier.

Dad Gold was created to give tips that I wish someone had given me!

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