Childbirth can take ages.
Sure, it is tough for mom. We know that. If we could swap, we would swap, right? My wife’s childbirth took over 3 days. I was bored….senseless.
My mind starts to wander. It goes off on tangents in an attempt to keep me entertained, and I love it.
The danger is, the more tired I am, the more likely I am to say things out loud.
When you have a woman going through more physical pain than you can imagine, you have to be careful what you say during the childbirth phase!
During the 3 days, I learned what I should and shouldn’t say during childbirth, mostly from personal experience, but I also learned by watching others communicate. I heard some things…..and I saw the ‘death stare response.’ Here I will run you through what not to say during childbirth.
Why Childbirth Is The Time You Really Need To Say The Right Things!
Childbirth is a time when you need to be on the ball with what you say and do. For childbirth, preparation is key!
It is the time when you need to be saying the right things at the right time.
-
Bold Male Pride – Baseball Trucker Cap Celebrating Masculinity
£18.00 Select options This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page -
Dad Bod Appreciation Gift Mug
£14.00 Add to cart -
Dad Bod, Bad Jokes Structured Baseball Cap
£22.00 Select options This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page
You need to be the rock, and you need to be the one person who helps mom through this horrific and painful time!
If you avoid saying anything on the following list, you are on the right track!
Things A Dad Shouldn’t Say During Childbirth.
1. How Long Will This Take
Do not even think of saying this. Not even to the midwife, not even to the doctor.
No-one knows.
An educated guess is some time in the next 3 days, you have had a new baby. Prepare for that, and don’t chase updates! It isn’t a pizza delivery service…
2. They Should Put a TV In Here
I know, it would have been a great idea. It is something you can do for a start while your wife is concentrating on squeezing the baby out.
Why not bring in the games console too? I jest, of course, don’t ever say that during childbirth.
3. The Baby Will Come Out When He/She Is Ready
I never said this, but I saw my wife’s reaction to those who did.
I have never seen a pregnant woman leap across a bed and strangle someone with the heart rate monitor, but I am sure I was pretty close.
4. I Am So Tired
Yeh, you might be tired. You might, like me, have slept for 15 minutes in the last 3 days, but don’t even go there.
Would you rather be tired because you haven’t slept much? Or would you rather be tired….and in pain?
Think about it.
Oh, and while I am at it, if those words do slip out of your mouth, do not follow it up with:
‘It is alright for you. I have nothing keeping me awake. At least you have pain’.
That was my brain keeping me entertained! I should have kept it in, but I was tired….and the words slipped out.
5. Smile, You’re On Camera
My wife hated, with a passion, HATED me taking pictures and videos during childbirth.
After 3 days, I was running seriously low on storage space anyway!
The worst part about this was when we looked back on the childbirth; she was slightly annoyed because I DIDN’T take enough pictures and videos of her. Some you lose, others you still lose.
6. I am Just Arranging Some Visits. Is Tomorrow OK?
For a start, you don’t even know if you will be at home tomorrow!
Relax, and leave the arranging for when you get back home. Arrange nothing until you are out of the hospital.
7. When Should We Have Another One?
Don’t even joke about it.
Honestly, the wrong time. Completely the wrong time to be bringing this one up!
8. Do You Mind If I Go Home For a While?
This one is hazardous, even if she says yes! Honestly, you do not want to miss the birth of your child, surely!
During the mammoth 3 days of childbirth, my wife suggested I go home and get some sleep… honest… she suggested it to me!
Wild horses couldn’t drag me away though I stayed until the end, and I am glad I did.
9. Can You Keep The Noise Down
Honest, I was so close to saying this! During childbirth, I got 15 minutes of sleep. It was 15 minutes because I was awoken by the noise of my wife dragging on the nitrous oxide!
Just when I had got to sleep, I was snapped back to a waking state! My head was fuzzy, it took me a few seconds to realize where I was, and it almost slipped out:
‘Can you keep the noise down? I am trying to sleep.’
I may not be here now.
10. At Least It Is Not Twins
Guilty – this, I did say.
It might not be twins, but it is still very tiring, excruciating for her, and it could be harrowing for you if you tell your partner:
‘It could be worse.’
Conclusion
Childbirth is a very stressful time, don’t make it worse by saying the wrong thing!
You will need to do some preparation for childbirth so you know what to expect. At least now you know what not to say during childbirth. It is a good start!
Basically, your job during childbirth is to pay attention, get involved, and look after your partner. Be a serious clown if you can.
You have the tools available to help you survive childbirth, and your next task is to survive being a new dad!
Good luck!
