Childbirth can take ages. Sure, it is tough for Women, we know that. If we could swap, we would, right? My Wives childbirth took over 3 days. I was bored….senseless.

My mind starts to wander. It goes off on tangents in an attempt to keep me entertained, and I love it. The danger is, the more tired I am, the more likely I am to say things out loud.

When you have a woman who is going through more physical pain that you can imagine, you have to be careful what you say during the childbirth phase!

During the 3 days, I learned what I should and shouldn’t say during Childbirth, mostly from personal experience, but I also learned by watching others communicate. I heard some things…..and I saw the ‘death stare response’. Here I will run you through what not to say during childbirth.

Why Childbirth Is The Time You Really Need To Say The Right Things!

Childbirth is a time when you need to be on the ball with what you say and do. For childbirth, preparation is key!

It is the time when you need to be saying the right things, at the right time.

You need to be the rock, and you need to be the one person who gets them through this horrific, and painful time!

If you avoid saying anything on the following list, you are on the right track!

Things A Dad Shouldn’t Say During Childbirth

1. How Long Will This Take

how long will this take

Do not even think of saying this. Not even to the midwife, not even to the doctor.

No-one knows.

An educated guess is some time in the next 3 days, you have had a new baby. Prepare for that, and don’t chase updates!

2. They Should Put a TV In Here

they should put a tv in here

I know, it would have been a great idea. For a start, it is something you can do while your wife is concentrating on squeezing the baby out.

Why not bring in the games console too? I jest, of course, don’t ever say that during childbirth.

3. The Baby Will come Out when Its Ready

be here when they are ready

I never said this, but I saw my wives reaction to those who did.

I have never seen a pregnant woman leap across a bed and strangle someone with the heart rate monitor, but I am sure I was pretty close.

4. I Am So Tired

i am tired

Yeh, you might be tired. You might, like me, have slept for 15 minutes in the last 3 days, but don’t even go there.

Would you rather be tired, because you haven’t slept much? Or would you rather be tired….and in pain?

Have a think about it.

Oh, and while I am at it, if those words do slip out of your mouth, do not follow it up with:

‘It is alright for you, I have nothing keeping me awake, at least you have pain’.

That was my brain keeping me entertained! I should have kept it in, but I was tired….and the words slipped out.

5. Smile, You’re On Camera

take pictures

My wife hated, with a passion, HATED me taking pictures and videos during the childbirth.

To be honest, after 3 days, I was running seriously low on storage space anyway!

the worst part about this is when we were looking back on the childbirth, she was slightly annoyed because I DIDN’T take enough pictures and videos of her. Some you lose, others you still lose.

6. I am Just Arranging Some Visits, Is Tomorrow OK?

arranging visitors

For a start, you don’t even know if you will be at home tomorrow!

Relax, and leave the arranging for when you get back home. Arrange nothing until you are out of the hospital.

7. When Should We Have Another One?

should we have another

Don’t even joke.

Honest, wrong time. Completely the wrong time to be bringing this one up!

8. Do You Mind If I Go Home For a While?

i will go home

This one is very risky, even if she says yes! Honestly, you do not want to miss the birth of your child, surely!

During the mammoth 3 days of childbirth, my Wife suggested I go home and get some sleep…..honest….she suggested it to me!

Wild horses couldn’t drag me away though, I was staying until the end, and I am glad I did.

9. Can You Keep The Noise Down

you are being too loud

Honest, I was so close to saying this! During the childbirth, I got 15 minutes of sleep. It was 15 minutes because I was awoken by the noise of my wife dragging on the nitrous oxide!

Just when I had got to sleep, I was snapped back to a waking state! My head was fuzzy, it took me a few seconds to realize where I was, and it almost slipped out.

‘Can you keep the noise down, I am trying to sleep’

I may not be here now.

10. At Least It Is Not Twins

at least it isnt twins

Guilty – this, I did say.

It might not be twins, but it is still very tiring, very painful for her, and it could be very painful for you if you tell your partner:

‘It could be worse’

Conclusion

Childbirth is a very stressful time, don’t make it worse by saying the wrong thing!

You will need to do some preparation for childbirth, so you know what to expect. At least now you know what not to say during childbirth, it is a good start!

Basically, your job during childbirth is to pay attention, get involved and look after your partner. Be a serious clown. If you can.

You have the tools available to help you survive childbirth, your next task is to survive being a new Dad!

Good luck!