Before marriage, you might not fully understand what to do to be a good husband.
You learn a lot along the way, like on-the-job training!
The same can be said for fatherhood. You don’t know what you don’t know. That can be a concern, leading to a fear of impending fatherhood.
Most fathers go through this thought.
- Will I be a good father or a bad father?
- Will I raise my child in a good or bad way?
- Will I ever get time to do what I want to do?
- Can I afford fatherhood?
There’s no such thing as a “perfect” father. Let’s get that on the table straight off the bat.
For me, the joys of fatherhood outweighed anything negative!
Here are some common concerns that can cause a fear of fatherhood and what you can do to address these concerns.
8 Common Reasons To Fear Fatherhood And How You Can Overcome Them
Will I Be a Good Father?
This is the biggest fear:
‘Will I be good enough?’
How Do I Overcome This Fear?
I can’t answer that, but as long as you provide love, time, and protection for your kids, you won’t go far wrong!
Can I Keep the Baby Safe?
Another fear a father faces is whether he can keep his baby safe.
It is a great responsibility for a father to protect a little soul who cannot even eat alone.
Many parents fear that if their children become sick, what should they do and care for them?
If the baby is crying, how do you settle him?
How Do I Overcome This Fear?
You must have some knowledge of handling them.
Learning about fatherhood must begin before birth. Keep on learning and practicing.
If any male friend or cousin is a father, ask for his help. Ask him to share his experience so you are better prepared when the time comes.
If the baby falls ill, you must know how to care for him. Nowadays, doctors are just one phone call away.
While preparing for fatherhood, I recommend the following classes:
- Infant first aid
- Parenting classes
- Covering feeding, changing, and things to look out for
Can I Afford a New Baby?
When a new baby comes into this world, they bring many expenses, which will be new to you and your partner.
Some of these expenses can come as a bit of a surprise!
Finances are a big concern for fathers (and mothers too). Also, these expenses increase with time.
Baby food, baby clothes, and school expenses can be a significant burden.
How Do I Overcome This Fear?
Budget for your baby.
Here are some quick tips:
- Ask your friends for old baby clothes to save on buying your own
- If anyone wants to buy a gift, ask for diapers and wipes
- Budget for you
- Budget for your family
- Cut back on non-essentials
This way, things will get easier for you, little by little. Remember, it’s not forever.
Will It Affect My Relationship with My Partner?
Most men fear that their relationship with their life partner changes dramatically after a baby is born.
They fear they will have less activity (you know what I mean), less time together, and more disagreements.
However, this is far from true.
Experts say that your bond with your life partner becomes more vital after having a baby, and your mutual understanding increases. In my experience, this is true until the early hours of the morning!
Having kids might change your relationship positively, not negatively.
How Do I Overcome This Fear?
You must develop a strong bond before having a baby. Work on your relationship.
Try to get closer to each other.
It would be best if you improved your schedule with your life partner.
Once the baby is born, don’t feel disturbed. Instead, try to evolve into each other, the baby, and your partner.
How Can I Balance My Job and Family?
The life of a father is not easy. Marriage brings many changes to your life, and your children change your life completely.
You must maintain a work-life balance, the most significant challenge a father has to face.
Initially, you might feel stressed, but give it some time, and you will manage yourself according to the routine.
How Do I Overcome This Fear?
Never be afraid of it. Face it, understand it, and work on it.
You and your partner will also feel disturbed in the beginning to create balance in their lives.
At first, every parent feels the same way, but they get to know that it is just a fear, which is common in every parent for the first time.
During vacations, keep the work aside, spend that time with your family, and be entirely focused when you are home.
There is no substitute for quality time with your family.
End of Your Independence?
One of the common fears that every father develops in his mind is whether their freedom has ended.
After all, being a parent is a responsible and challenging job.
It consumes time, money, and attention. It is also true that you have less time to sleep and less time for yourself, but it is just for a couple of starting months.
How Do I Overcome This Fear?
Once the baby is born, create a schedule. When they get to toddler age, create a schedule.
Stick to them!
Being a father is not the end of freedom or independence.
Fatherhood doesn’t mean the end of fun. You can still spend quality time with your friends, but not on a large scale like those intense parties you enjoy before marriage.
You have to schedule everything, and you can have a healthy and free(ish) life.
Helping My Partner When the Baby is Born
During the pregnancy period, your partner has to go through many different changes.
You cannot escape them, but you can help to manage them.
You can ask families with newborn babies to spend some time with you to learn some things from them. Otherwise, the doctor can guide you through every change that occurs.
How Do I Overcome This Fear?
You can ask your doctor some important questions which might be beneficial for you:
- What medicines should my partner use before childbirth, and what are their side effects?
- What will happen during and after the delivery, and how can I be helpful?
- What do I need to look out for in the weeks after the birth?
So, a new father should help his partner and look after her.
Becoming a Father – It’s Mysterious
Dad has to go through many different stages from the start of the pregnancy until the delivery.
These stages are new to him.
There are tons of new baby equipment you need to get used to.
After the baby has been born, looking after the baby is something new for a new father.
You have no experience, and everything seems mysterious and complicated. You must develop a strong bond with your partner and ask her about anything while following her guidelines.
Many fathers don’t know what to do in that situation and feel themselves at a bit of loss at that time.
How Do I Overcome This Fear?
Preparation is the key with this one!
I mentioned it above, and I’ll repeat it: you should attend parenting and first aid classes before your child is born.
Ask your friends, ask your colleagues. You can look after a baby for a few hours if you feel brave.
Experience is the best teacher, but preparation is a close second.
Conclusion
There are many reasons why a father has a fear of becoming a dad. The good news is that most fears are easy to overcome.
You should look to address these fears, or you may end up regretting fatherhood!
Becoming a father is the best thing I have done in life. Period. There is no better feeling right at the start and as your child progresses through each stage.
Walking, eating, talking, school, sports, etc. This is just a small list of times when I’ve felt so proud that I am bursting.
Only recently, my 4-month-old rolled over for the first time, and it felt incredible. It’s these little things that make fatherhood exceptional.
Check me out; I’ve gone through this whole post only alluding to sex life once! Go me!
On a serious note – keep your sex life strong. It’s vital for a strong bond between couples.
Good luck!
