You would do anything to stop being an angry parent! But it feels like your child knows just the right buttons to press to fire you up!
And after every blow-up, you end up regretting losing your control like that. Would you feel better if I said you are not alone in this?
While this is completely normal to lose control from time to time, parental anger can have long-lasting effects on children.
Lucky for you, there are ways to press pause and channel the anger productively. Bear with me while telling you why you need to tame your temper and walk you through the process.
The effects of parental anger on children
It would help if you didn’t feel worse than you already do after an outburst. But, next time you feel the anger crawling up, remind yourself that your parenting will have an impact on all of their future relationships.
It’s no secret that children imitate whatever their parents do.
You are a role model for your child.
You want them to grow up to be a confident and compassionate young person? It would be best if you manifested those qualities as a parent. When you lose control frequently, your child starts normalizing throwing tantrums in a conflict.
Parental anger negatively impacts children’s cognitive and emotional development. They tend to grow up with lower self-esteem while struggling with anxiety and depression.
When they are scared of their angry parents, it results in poor parent-child communication. Research has shown that children growing up in an unhealthy home environment are more likely to be insensitive to others’ feelings. They tend to use violence to solve problems and, more often than not, turn out to be bullies.
Angry parenting is one of the leading factors contributing to juvenile delinquency and adolescent rebellion. You want to raise an empathetic and resilient human being?
It’s time you put a check on your anger, especially if you already have a sensitive child.
Stop being an angry parent using these 5 methods:
Try out these ways to stay calm when anger was your previous go-to response.
Build a better relationship with your child whilst setting a precedent for them. Getting angry doesn’t cut it, and it is your job to teach them.
Make a promise to yourself and stick to it.
Anger is a normal human emotion. So, you’ll feel it regularly when dealing with your kid.
Make sure you don’t let it become a frequent, violent outburst. Promise yourself that the next time you get angry, you’ll take a moment to talk to yourself before you react.
Every time you feel like yelling at your kid, remind yourself that you have to honor the commitment you made to yourself.
Later you can express it healthily and productively.
This way, your child will learn how to deal with emotions positively.
Be self-aware and empathetic.
Sometimes there are underlying causes as to why your children act out. You feel like they are just seeking attention. Figure out the reason behind it.
There are times when they experience unsettling emotions and don’t know how to deal with them. As a parent, you need to find out what’s bothering them.
Talk to them and let them know you are there for them. In most cases, that reassurance is all they need.
When they constantly get on your nerves, spot your triggers and prepare for them. You must find some situations more difficult to deal with than others.
Is it when they lie down on the supermarket floor and don’t want to go home? Is it a phrase that they repeatedly say? Or is it when they talk back disrespectfully?
Find out what makes you tick.
Ask yourself why that annoys you so much. The more you know about yourself and your child, the better you will get at parenting.
Take a breather
I can’t stress this enough. When you can’t deal with it anymore, nothing works better than removing yourself from the situation. Your child is screaming at the top of his lungs or hitting the younger one! You keep telling him to put the shoes away, and he doesn’t pay heed.
You’re on the verge of losing it.
That’s when you need to recognize that you are about to lose control. Think about your long-term goal. You want your child to form a habit.
Screaming at him will stop him for the time being, which isn’t your ultimate goal.
So, take a time-out. Step outside the room for a little while. Gather your thoughts. Remind yourself how you committed to stop getting angry.
Remember that your child’s not trying to piss you off. They are simply kids.
Take a few deep breaths while you come up with a game plan. Don’t fast forward 10 years and think that your child will turn out as a psychopath for shoving his sister.
You’re an amazing parent, and your children will turn out to be just fine.
Talk to them like you’d talk to a friend.
Had a bad day at the office? Give your children a heads up. They did something to make you angry? Explain what exactly set you off and what they could do differently. Communicate with them.
Get all your bottled-up feelings out of your system.
You feel like there’s no point telling your 7-year-old that you are upset about work. But they can pick up on your anxiety, and that makes them more likely to act out. It’s a good idea to let your kids know when you are going through a hard time.
Practice expressing your feelings honestly and see how they start showing signs of empathy.
Start treating them the way you want to be treated, with respect. Give it time and patience. They’ll end up being your best friends in the process.
Schedule time for yourself
Being a parent takes its toll on you. You keep putting your child’s needs ahead of your own. When you keep putting your own needs on hold, you place yourself at a high risk of burnout. Anger starts building inside you.
Take some time off from your packed schedule and focus on yourself. Indulge in activities that you used to like before becoming a parent.
Maybe you got so busy with juggling work and life as a parent. You don’t have much time to spend with your partner. Tell someone to watch the kids and schedule date nights to reignite the spark in your marriage.
Meet your friends and treat yourself to a spa day. Maybe a little time off is all you need to let go of the frustration and resentment that comes with parenting sometimes.
If you wanted to know how to stop being an angry, shouty parent, the tips on this page would help! Controlling anger needs years of practice.
You are a human being before you are a parent. So, please don’t beat yourself up too hard for losing it every once in a while. It happens, and it is your reaction to it that matters and defines you as a person.
It’s a journey, and when you decided to keep your anger in check, you already took a step forward. Keep going.
Here are some tips if you feel bad for getting angry with your baby, these will help!