Having children would change things, they said. But nobody warned you it’d get this ugly this fast!
Your husband seems like a whole different person, understandably so.
You keep getting annoyed at him while poor daddy hasn’t understood how he can be of more help.
Well, your life was about just the two of you before having the baby. Suddenly, this new person with time-sensitive needs to take care of, and it’s not the same anymore.
It doesn’t matter how well you prepared yourself for this transition, you might feel overwhelmed now and then, and that’s okay.
You don’t want to be hating your husband after having a baby, but there’s no handbook on how not to hate your husband after kids are born.
Don’t worry. I got you covered. Bear with me while I help you work your way through the challenges parenting keeps throwing at you.
Is it normal to dislike your husband after having a baby?
The answer is YES, and let me tell you that you’re not alone. A whopping 67% of women reported feeling this way after having a baby. Despite the momentary resentment, you still love your husband the same, even a little more, because he’s now the father of your child.
Then why do you feel like this, you ask? Let’s see.
- After giving birth, you’re physically tired,
- your hormones are all over the place,
- you’re taking care of a newborn, which takes a lot of work,
- you’re sleep-deprived and
- you barely have time to spend with your husband.
The way you’re feeling right now has more to do with your role as a new parent than it has to do with your spouse’s actions.
Most women think they should do parenting without any bumps on the road since they haven’t heard their moms or friends complaining about this. They wonder if they’re the only ones feeling like this. Social media posts don’t make it any easier. Other people’s smiling pictures with their babies make new parents even more indignant.
Don’t feel doomed for feeling this way. You’re going to pull through, and I’m going to guide you through it.
Do husbands change after having a baby?
Before I answer, let me ask you this. Have you changed after having the baby? See, as someone who carried the baby for 9 months and went through an excruciating yet emotional journey of labor, you might think like husbands don’t go through anything. But, don’t they?
Isn’t your son or daughter his baby as well? Didn’t he hold your hands and be there throughout the journey? When they held the baby for the first time, their life changed forever as well. Maybe not the same way as yours, but to a significant extent. Men also go through hormonal and behavioral changes after becoming fathers.
Recognizing the underlying causes behind the change would help you feel less resentful towards him.
- Maybe work got more hectic.
- Maybe they’re the sole breadwinner now hence more pressure on them
- Less sleep
- Lack of intimacy
- Significant hormonal changes
Annoyed With Husband After Baby? Here Are 6 Tips
Sometimes you can’t stand the sight of your partner. Since that’s not what a new dad deserves, let’s see how to stop being so annoyed towards them.
Communicate Openly and Honestly.
It seems impossible at the moment? You’re always busy feeding the baby, changing diapers, and in between taking turns sleeping. You barely talk to each other, and when you do, it’s about formula or baby wipes. No wonder you’re feeling annoyed and irritable all the time.
Telling your husband exactly what you need instead of expecting him to read your mind will save you tons of arguments and disappointments. Communicating openly will allow you to view your spouse as an ally instead of this annoying character that you can’t stand.
Be Empathetic and Thankful.
Acknowledge and appreciate the part both of you’re playing in the relationship. Be empathetic towards each other while supporting the family or taking care of the baby. Thank each other more often.
Whenever one spouse feels left out or overburdened, seek solace in each other rather than bickering. Tell your partner how overwhelmed and exasperated you feel. Ask them how they’re feeling. Chances are both of you’ll find the stress and emotions are mutual.
Relationships thrive on intimacy and reciprocity. After the little one came into your lives, you hardly look at each other in the eye, let alone getting intimate. Intimacy isn’t only about having sex; it’s about making your partner feel wanted. New parents hardly can manage time for that. But that’s what you need more than anything so that you both become more resilient as parents.
Maybe it’s hard during the first few weeks. After that, schedule time for just the two of you when the baby sleeps. Even if it’s just to hold each other’s hands or to cuddle. Maybe get a sitter and plan a weekly dinner together. That will take some stress off your shoulders, and you’ll be able to be there for each other more.
Split-up the Chores Fairly.
I can’t stress this enough. To prevent arguments on parenting style or to establish a sleeping schedule, why don’t both of you sit together and hash it out? The division of labor doesn’t have to be exactly 50-50.
It should be based on the preferences and needs of both partners. Be open to doing a little more whenever you can. Just what you’ve promised to do while exchanging vows, to put your spouse’s needs first.
Don’t Keep Scores. You both are tired and preoccupied. Keeping score to see who changed the diaper or who slept more last night will only lead to further resentments. Remember that you’re in this together.
Set Realistic Expectations.
Men and women are wired differently. The research found that women are hard-wired to be more sensitive to a hungry crying baby than their male counterparts. So, your husband can sleep through your baby’s crying. He’s not faking it. If he’s in charge of waking up with the baby, it’s a good idea for him to sleep closer to the crib that night.
When you don’t share each other’s ideas of parenting, make sure you’re not dismissive. Both of you should meet each other halfway to raise your child the best way you can. Don’t expect your spouse to be a specific kind of parent. Let each other have a unique relationship with the baby.
Let Time Do the Trick.
Even after trying everything, if you’re still feeling exasperated and having a hard time letting go of the resentment, don’t go down the slippery slope of assuming that something’s wrong with you as a parent. Let your kid grow up, and you’ll gradually get your groove back. Your child will sleep through the night, cry less often, and you’ll have more time for each other.
It might take weeks to years. Am I saying you’ll suffer the whole time before that? Not at all. You’re getting the hang of it. Both you and your spouse will get better at this. Till then, take it one day at a time. Make self-care a priority, and don’t hesitate to talk to other parents about your struggle. Seek help whenever necessary.
Babies don’t come with a manual. It’s a steep learning curve, but both of you will slowly find your role in the new dynamic. Till then, being each other’s best friends and keeping one foot in front of the other will keep you going.